{Warning: This is very sad, and may be triggering to those struggling with depression. Please proceed with caution.}
It was a warm, sunny day in Los Angeles. A soft breeze was blowing gently, and birds flew around, playing in the air and making people smile. I was walking around among stores and outdoor cafés with my boyfriend. He had taken a few hours out of his busy schedule to take me out to lunch and just spend some time with me. That's what I loved about him most. He was a busy man, but he never took me for granted. He always made sure I knew how special I was to him, with not only his words, but with his actions. He made me laugh when I was feeling low, he always made me feel loved and cared about, and he was a true gentleman.
Our fingers were laced together tightly as we sipped dairy-free smoothies and looked for a place to sit and enjoy the sunshine. We found a metal bench and seated ourselves while we watched the people going by. The busy crowd rushed past us, and I wished I could freeze that moment in time and savor it forever. It was a perfect day and was with a man who loved me with his whole heart. I was on top of the world.
Little did I know, that moment would be the last time I ever felt that peace and happiness.
The happy buzz of the crowd around us suddenly became a frenzy as a woman's voice screamed, "Oh my God, he's got a gun!" People pushed, shoved, and ran in no particular direction. In the confusion, I dropped my smoothie and clutched Toby's jacket tightly. "Don't worry love, I'll protect you," he looked at me lovingly and grabbed my hand, pulling me through the crowd behind him.
/Gunshots./
Toby grunted, and his fingers became limp and slid out of my grasp. His strong body suddenly slumped and dropped to the ground. I gasped and pushed people away as I fought to get to my love. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw.
A bullet had torn through his jacket and wedged itself into his chest. Dark red started to seep into his shirt and trickle down into a puddle around him. My eyes grew wide and my heart dropped down into my stomach. No...this can't be happening. I dropped to my knees beside him, and suddenly a shriek escaped my lips as the picture before me became a reality.
Toby had been shot.
"Toby no! Toby you can't die!" I grabbed his shirt with both hands, as if it would pull him back into consciousness. My face was dripping wet, soaked in my hot tears. "Toby stop...come back! You can't! No!" I screamed louder and louder as I thrashed around, not willing to accept what was becoming my new reality. His shirt was spotted with my tears, and my throat hurt from screaming.
"Toby, please say something," I choked out. His lips parted slightly and though his voice was weak, he managed to whisper to me.
"My love...I'm so sorry. I'm not going to make it. Please tell The Audience, tell them I love all of them, and they...they can handle anything life throws at them. Tell them...tell them to stay strong, and they're amazing people, all of them." His voice was becoming weaker and weaker, as did his grip on my hand. He opened his eyes slightly and continued, "Oh God, Gryphon! Please take care of Gryphon. And you, look after yourself honey. It will be okay. Don't ever forget that I love you, and just because we're separated by some clouds doesn't mean I'll ever stop loving you."
He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a soft groan. He swallowed with much effort before he spoke once more. "Now kiss me one last time before I go." I leaned down and softly kissed him, my tears dripping onto his shirt.
"Be strong, love. Be strong and think of me always."
With that, he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. I did not see his chest rise again to refill his lungs.
-One Year Later-
It had been one year since the incident. One year since the man that I loved with all my heart was taken from me. 365 cold, empty, painful days, with long and lonely nights. I was standing on the top of a building, looking down on the busy street where I lost my sunshine, my best friend, the love of my life.
I sat on the short wall edging the top of the building and let the loneliness consume me. I couldn't help but think of all the things that I would never experience again. I would never get to hear his laugh, I would never get to see that smile, I would never feel his arms around me again. No more late nights, sitting in bed laughing at everything and nothing. No more long walks in the evenings. No more cuddling on the couch, no more kisses in the morning, no more Toby.
My nose stung with the tears I tried to hold back as I made another list, this time of the things we hadn't done yet that we would have. I'd never get to see him in a suit, waiting for me to walk down the aisle and meet him. I'd never get to watch his face when I tell him I'm pregnant for the first time. I'd never get to make my life memories with him. My future seemed bleak and empty without the promise of his smile every morning.
The Audience was hurting, too. Sometimes, I checked Twitter or YouTube and was shocked to see how many people missed Toby every day. He gave people a reason to smile, a way to forget their worries, and he loved all of those people with his whole heart. I never realized just how much that idiot meant to so many people.
The late morning was unusually chilly and gloomy. I pulled my coat tighter around me and wiped the tears off my face. I took a small notepad out of my coat pocket, as well as a pen. I restrained my sobs as I wrote:
"Dear Toby,
I miss you more than words can ever express. No song can ever tell how much I hurt. Every day it's a struggle just to pull myself out of bed. I feel so empty without you.
I'm so sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I want to be where you are, Toby. You're happy, I'm sure, and I want to be happy too, but I can't be happy when my future doesn't have you in it anymore.
I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't have wanted this. You're my angel watching over me, but I think I want to be an angel too.
I love you. See you soon."
I tore off the note and folded it into a small paper airplane. I launched it out into the wind, letting it be carried off in the gray sky. Then I wrote a second letter.
"To whomever finds this:
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I know it was selfish and rude of me. My ID is in my left coat pocket, along with a $100 bill. Please take the money for your troubles."
I folded this note and held it tightly in my left hand. I stepped onto the ledge, and peered down at the street below. Then I looked up at the stormy clouds and let the wind tangle my long hair. I closed my eyes and whispered, "I'm coming, Toby. I'll be there soon."
And with that, I jumped.
-To be continued?-
