I lay with my eyes towrds heaven. The clouds looked today, like any other day. Depending on the time is when they either looked depressing or lively. The deeper I thought the more I felt as if I was sinking; Losing focus of what was ahead. The clouds became the pastey spackled ceiling as I regained focus. I could feel my eyelids weigh down my face into the mattress. The strain of gravity against my body caused every muscle to be sore. With my mouth agape I looked as if waiting for someone to feed me, but i wasn't expecting company.
The small apartment I was rotting in began to close in on me; I stood up and rushed to the bathroom. Leaning over the sink as if to hurl I just bowed my head and prepared for the worst. Peering up to see my figure gain more excess ugliness, I was pleasantly surprised. My long hair still dark, but not from the grease. My eyes being the most vibrant brown you will ever see. The bags under those eyes a more burgandy color than indigo. Things started looking better. I pulled a pair of pants and quickly changed into them.
Leaning over the edge of my tiny balcony smoking made the world expand again. Nothing felt so one dimensional, and I definitely didn't feel caged. Taking the final drag I flick the butt down. Slowly hobbling to the frameless mattress again, I thought about how weird it would be to try and sleep; I haven't slept for days.
Images, memories, and lust for her kept the blood flowing in my veins. It didn't matter how deep the canyon she left inside me felt, because I still have what was there. Toying with the ring on the third fingeer of my left hand was more than a nervous tick. It made me feel she would come back, but why would she.
Working at the dead end pizza place down the road and living in an apartment that can't even fit two showed no hope.
"I promise I will give you the life you dreamed"
That phrase gave me two years immunity. She believed me happily. I could've done it if I just focused more. It's hard to focus when I can't see.
The ceiling became a spackled mess again. The mirror showed the man, and the balcony held my company. It was sudden, like the 300 flicks I have made the past 15 days. I figured to be the butt of a cigarrette, I could find someone to motivate me again. If not, at least I burned out to not mess up another life.
