Behind The Mask

Chapter 59

Anouk's POV

I was super excited about our flight to Korea, but I tried to hide it from Michael. People say that after you do a thing over and over again, you get rid of fear. Damn wrong! There's no person who flew around the world more than Michael, and he is still terrified and panicked every single time he boards a plane.

I hold his hand and brush his cheek with the back of my fingers.

"What are you really afraid of, Michael?"

He squeezed my hand and licked his dry lips.

"It's not something definite....it's this maddening state of continuous dread and panic...I am sorry, I'm not making much sense."

"Yes, you do. Michael, it is alright. I understand that you cannot define what you fear....but it does not make it less real...your fear, I mean. I can relate to that. Baby...I felt the same every time a guy was nice to me. I had no inkling how much I could be in his company before he tried something on me...like my father did to my mother. I was such a horrible person because I thought it was safer for me to act nasty and make people turn away from me from the very beginning. It was safe, indeed. I was a recluse. I had no friends. I had no one. And I must have such a bad reputation among some people I met in the past. Right now, it is too late for me to go back and fix things...that's how good I was at acting like a total bitch."

Michael smiled and lifted my hand to his lips. He kissed my wedding ring.
"You were never a bitch with me, Nooki. You were stubborn as a mule...you placated every attempt at getting emotionally close to you...but you were never rude, or nasty. You knew what my biggest insecurities were, things that really turn me off people, but you never played on them to push me away."

I look at my ring and smile.

"I think I was curious to see how stubborn you can be for real...and when you packed your things and left the hotel and then I saw you on TV with HER of all people...."

Michael grinned at me.

"You were jealous. Admit it, baby."

"Damn right, I was jealous. But it was more than that. I knew you are a smart guy, I've always known it. To see you with her after everything she's done to you...I was asking myself how can he be such a blind fool?"

"I was a fool for about 10 seconds. We had lunch and she started pleading with me. And for 10 seconds, I thought that maybe she is genuine. But then I remembered you and your attitude, and your brutal honesty in everything. And I saw right through her schemes. Nooki, you helped me open my eyes to people in ways I hadn't been aware of. You are my benchmark for honesty. Everyone around me....whatever they say to me, whatever they promise...I always measure them up to you. And they always fall short."

I was flattered and frightened at the same time. I guess I've never known what it feels like to have someone's complete confidence. By now, take off was completed and we were at cruising altitude. Michael relaxed just a little bit and we snuggled into each other, trying to catch some sleep. It would be a long flight until we reached Seoul – over 12 hours. Michael woke me up midflight for my insulin shot, pregnancy vitamins and something to eat. I was just as much a fussy eater as him during the flight and we barely touched anything on the plates in front of us.

"I just wanna sleep" I pouted.

I know the pout always works with Michael. He sighed, signaled to the flight attendants to clear the table and then we moved to the back of the plane where there is a small private room with a bed.

"At least, let's be comfortable. Here, baby, lie down and relax."

I wouldn't say no to a bed at this point. I stretched as much as I could on the bed and Michael joined me immediately. He snuggled into me, his head on my chest, the way he likes to sleep.