Memories of a Withered Rose

He swings the record shop door open with the slightest touch. As he walks out, the passersby murmur about the latest trends, but he doesn't hear. He just keeps walking, latte pressed to his lips, headphones in his ears. He is in his own world, on a plane separate from everyone else, where not a soul can bother him. The sounds of the homeless asking for change, the happy couples going on and on about their next dates, and all the tourists asking where the nearest Starbucks is located are drowned out by pounding drums, roaring guitars and gruff screams of raw emotion, just the way he likes it. The sounds of the outside world mean nothing to him. He taps on his thigh to the rhythm with his free hand as he stares towards the sky. He walks past the giant marble archway into the park and claims his seat on the only empty bench, as his iPod replaces the harshness of his music with a soothing riff. He relaxes into the wooden seat, before the vocal melody begins and takes him out of his element. "Miles away, I can still feel you lay your head down on my embrace. My embrace, far away..."

Instantaneously, those lyrics snap him out of his universe. The walls around him sink into the ground and the passersby are visible to him again. Worst of all for him, he started to remember her, and all the times they sang words of love to one another. She had been the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid his eyes upon, the first he'd truly loved. Now she was but an object of past desires in his eyes, who still inflicts pain on his mind with every memory. His mind jumped back to a night many moons ago, one of the happiest in his life. His room was lit dimly by his computer screen and his subpar dollar store lamp. On his computer screen were a Skype window showing the face of his lover and a browser window displaying the site they used to share videos. He played a song for her, one that explained his deepest romantic feelings. He sang those meaningful words to her, and she smiled along sweetly, enjoying his little performance even though his voice couldn't quite match the key of the song. This was a routine Sunday night for them, sitting in their rooms, looking at one another through webcam lenses and whispering 'I love you's and other sweet words of romance. It was on these nights that they were at their best, on top of the world, lifted there by love.

"You're so cute." She whispers as the song fades.

"Oh hush, honey." He says, turning his head away and smiling nervously.

"It means a lot that you sang that song for me. I almost cried."

"Only almost?" he joked. "I did." He laughed, she laughed. He blushed, she blushed. "I cry whenever I hear it now. Cause it makes me wanna come see you, and I can't just get up and go." All was as well as it could be despite the seemingly infinite distance between them. Their love was bright, and they were able to hide the longing.

He stares up to the sky now, breathing deeply as the song continues. He doesn't want to remember, but no other intrusive thought can save him from the hold the memories have on him. He could have just skipped past the song, but he was in a trance. Once he breaks into reminiscence, there is no leaving until every scene is replayed through his head. His mind now races from that one night to the very beginning of the nearly yearlong saga. The two of them had met in the midst of his first relationship. He'd met a girl online who seemingly randomly−and to him, miraculously−formed a crush after only knowing him for a short time. She was older and more experienced than he was which drew him in. He wanted to learn the ways of love from someone who knew what they were doing. He was weary of the distance between them, the thousand plus miles from New York to Kansas, but she reassured him that it would be worth the trouble. After this, they dated briefly over the web, and-for the first few weeks-they were over the moon. He finally had someone to call a girlfriend, and she had a sweet boy who would never even think of abusing her the way her last partner did. Once the high of each other wore off though, he realized that they did not see eye to eye. Though they never got into a real fight, her behavior put him off. Her drug habits drove him away slowly over the sole month they stuck together through. After hearing stories from her one night about an alcohol and drug fueled party which involved a man she just met taking her home, he decided to let her off easily, assuming she cheated and didn't care about him anymore. He couldn't bring himself to be angry or call her out on her behavior. Nervous and inexperienced, he left it at that and the two never spoke again. He never found out if she had really cheated on him that night, and as of now, it has been far too long for him to ask what happened.