"Stop." She hyperventilates as she pushes her boyfriend off of her. He starts to climb back on top of her as she scoots back on her full-sized bed.
"Come on baby... you do this every time. Let's just do it I promise it will make you feel better," he says to her.
"Shut up you don't know anything..." She says quietly. She pulls her legs up to her chest starting to sob.
He smirks and pulls her legs back down towards him. "Shh.. it's okay. You'll like it I promise."
She startles awake feeling tears dripping down her face as she tried to open her eyes against the sunlight. The dream again...damnit. She looks over at her clock. 10:37.. "I guess I should get up," she says to herself. She gets up and walks over to her mirror checking herself off. Same messy dark hair. Same brown skin. Same chubby face. Same man-like body frame. She sighs to herself and changes into her usual joggers and t-shirt.
As she goes to brush her teeth and wash her face she hears a familiar voice screeching like they just meet their impending doom... Again. Really? She finishes getting ready trying to ignore the screaming then heads downstairs. She notices her dad sitting on the couch in the living room as her mom yells at him from the kitchen. She could be the child of a sailor from how many curse words her mom is using right now. But she's heard it all before, it doesn't matter anymore.
She takes her old grey Mustang and just... drives. Per usual Sunday morning she has nothing to do. Her best friend, Colett, is most likely with her boyfriend and all her other non-existent friends are all busy living their lives... enjoying it, but her not so much.
At some point she starts to run out of gas and she pulls into her nearest QT. As she walks in she notices that it's almost empty. It's quiet... She likes that. Well, until she hears a overly loud person calling her name. "RIIKKA!" She turns around to see a guy she recognizes from her school. She doesn't know his name. "Hey," she replies.
"Riikka it's been a while. I haven't seen you at school for a long time, what've you been up to? Oh my gosh in science we had this really big lab and it was so cool and did you know Risa and Leanne are actually dating now? Like I totally knew Leanne was gay but Risa! Not to mention that Brian..." He rambled on and on about things she had no interest in. Finally he looked at his watch after about 5 minutes and continued about his business.
She was able to get her gas without any interruptions. As she got into her car her phone buzzed. She glanced and saw something she dreaded every time, a text from him.
Her ex-boyfriend. A really nice guy, cute, funny, charming. So why was it that she deleted his messages each time? Because she betrayed him. She shut her eyes for a bit and just sat there. The person she missed the most... hurt the most constantly tries to talk to her. She can't though... she won't get close to him again. She knows she's not worth it. She's waiting for him to realize that too. She deletes the message without reading it. I'm sorry.
Her tears start to flow again. I can do this, it's better for him She tells herself. It's the right thing to do... I know.
