2/3/13
Dear misses Teague,
I have not been completely honest with you, I haven’t been lying, but omission is just as much a sin.
The reason I leave drama class early all the time is because I have therapist appointments.
And here’s why I need them
Last January my grandma died and my life line to reality was cut off instantly.
It happened right in the middle of my freshman year. I was still trying to find my corner of the sky and I felt hated by everyone because I was a threat to the balance.
I began to not eat, not talk. It was too much energy to even open my eyes or mouth.
I didn’t do anything.
I couldn’t do anything.
Everything was a struggle.
that dark time I was alternating between crying, sleeping, and having panic attacks. Most of the summer was spent alone in my room, face to pillow, contemplating taking a hand full of pills or accessorizing my wrist with a knife blade.
It felt as if there was no light in my world, it felt as if I was an empty shell waiting to thrown out.
A cousin I could talk to was my only comfort. But he lives 1500 miles away.
So I really had to learn what family is that winter break.
So far I’ve gathered that family is when the net rips and you think you’re about to plunge to your death and a secondary mesh forms two feet above the ground saving your life.
Family is when you need to cry into someone’s shoulder and they offer open arms,
and family is also when there is an ear to talk to and cousins become silent listeners,
giving advice only when asked.
But once fall came and I neededto get help.
First order of business was a professional.
Second order of business was an outlet.
I chose your 8th block drama class, and weekly poetry workshops.
I learned how to love
I learned how to share
I learned how to feel
I learned how to live
You taught me how to love and share and feel and live.
But ironically my appointments fell during the 3 o’clock hour, and once a month on Thursday, so my predicament started, I chose to continue both but no tell the other about each other.
I always trusted you with my emotions through poetry,
But couldn’t bring myself to trust with my emotions in prose.
That’s not fair. So I’ve have decided to mix both. Right her, right now, from now on.
I’m not going to say I’m all better because all that science says I’ll never be completely the same as before.
But I’ve turned on the switch at the end of the cave so I won’t stumble as much.
Love Always, Katie Heifner
