DRIFTED |Harry Styles|

CHAPTER 23

I woke up to the annoying sound of my cell phone ringing. It was 11 pm and it was Harry calling. I pressed the ignore button and tried to go back to sleep.

Next time I woke up it was morning already, the sound of my alarm filling in the room, telling me that it was time to wake up and head to class. I pressed the snooze button and checked my notifications, seeing that there was three missed calls and five text messages, all from Harry.

I laid in bed, deciding whether I should go to class or just stay in. The worst part was that I had a shift later at the coffee shop. How should I come back there after everything that happened just last night? I didn't want to leave my bed, I wanted to stay in and not even open the curtains.

The darkness was so welcoming and comforting; it was a place where I could escape reality and tolerate the fact that I was alone. Usually, I'd just freak out by the idea of being alone, it was one of my worst fears and I'd do anything not to feel lonely.

Whenever Ana was out and the apartment was empty, I'd just go to the nearest coffee shop, library or Luke's apartment, just so I was around people. I didn't know why, but having people around me gave me some kind of comfort and I would dread the moment that I was left alone.

When I was younger, I used to have several panic attacks whenever I was home alone. I'd always come home after school and my mom was still at work, so I'd just sit there and cry until it was time for me to go to work or when my she came back home.

As I grew up, I learned how to be with myself, but only for a short amount of time. It remained a mystery to me as to why I can't be left on my own, all I knew was that I was scared of being forgotten by everyone, I was scared to think that my presence wouldn't be important for those around me.

This time, I embraced my loneliness; I knew I needed it, not only to get over what happened but also to learn how to live with myself. I didn't want to face the outside world, I didn't want to explain to everyone why I was suddenly broken, I didn't want anyone's pity and sympathetic smiles, I didn't want to be treated like a page of an old book, that's fragile and ripped apart.

Yes, that was exactly how I was feeling and yes, I was crumbling to pieces, but I knew, deep down I knew, that I was strong enough to get past this. I just needed the time to mourn the forever-lost piece of my soul, which was taken away from me the moment Niall made me feel like I was nothing.

As I laid in bed, my mind drifted like a lost boat at sea. I thought about my past, my childhood, my missing father, my friendship with Luke and Ana, my relationship with Jack and Harry, my neurotic mom, my future as a doctor, my future with Harry. And I realised that I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

I wanted to graduate, I wanted to be a doctor, but in that moment, everything had lost their purposes. I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself and with my life, but I wasn't going to let him win.

I decided not to involve the police in this; they could shut Luke's shop down and I couldn't let that happen, even though Niall deserved to be in jail. Working for Luke was my only source of money and I couldn't give myself the privilege of searching for a new job.

My phone rang on the nightstand and I just ignored it, knowing that it was Harry wanting to know where I was and why I haven't called him back or went to classes.

A specialist wasn't needed to see that something was wrong with me and Harry knew me enough to know that if he asked, I wouldn't be able to lie to him. I just needed to avoid him for now, only until I put myself back together. After all, I've done it a thousand times before.

Harry called at least ten times in the past five minutes, I couldn't take this anymore.

"What?" I spat. "Hey, babe, what's going on?" I remembered that he didn't know anything about what happened, so I did my best to try and hide it.