Beeping.
Rapid beeping is all I hear as i'm being swiftly jetted down the hospital hallway for what seems like an hour on the most uncomfortable gurney. Let me just add, the movies make it seem so peaceful, but that may just be because the patient is halfway dead to begin with.
"Doctor, his breathing is getting shorter by the minute. It is mandatory we put him in to ICU immediately." The nurse sounds worried. Should I be?
I hear my mother crying. The poor thing probably suffers more than me. She chokes her words out through her tears "Wi-will he be okay? Please!! Please tell me my son will be okay" I wish i could tell her to calm down and that every thing will be fine but maybe I wouldn't be fine. Maybe it's finally time. I try to speak up but as soon as I opened my mouth, I begin to catch my eyes rolling in to the back of my head and with that, I lost consciousness.
"How we doin?" Someone behind the curtain, a tall man with a clipboard asks.
"Doctor Weekes, haha i like that name. how many days are in a weeke? hahaha" what kind of pain medication did they put me on? whatever it was, it worked. I was on cloud nine.
"Thank you Mr. Dun, I was born with it." He responds with a brief chuckle. I could tell he was being sarcastic, but I didn't mind. "Based on the test results, it seems a benign tumor is growing near your lungs. In other words, your cancer is spreading. Fast." He said in a very serious manner.
I smile thinking he's kidding, but it fades fast as he stares at me with a concerned look. This can't be happening... I can't let this happen. I'm only 22, why does god hate me so much?? God. Is there even such a thing? If there was a "god", why would he want me to die? I've never committed a crime, I've never committed adultery, so please tell me why do I deserve this? I started to hyperventilate.
I'm having an anxiety attack.
Nurses rushed in and put an oxygen mask on me thinking maybe it'd get my breathing back to normal. The sound of machines made things worse. It was like a chainsaw was splitting my brain in two. I hated being here. I hated it so much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up with over 5 family members surrounding me. This must've been more serious than I had thought.
"Hi honey, how you feeling?" My mom sounds really empathetic. Sometimes I almost feel bad for being sick, not that I can help it or anything, but i feel like a burden to my family.
"I'm fine, just a little sore that's all. Sorry for freaking out, it just takes a little bit of a toll when i'm told i'm probably going to die even quicker. I don't wanna di-" I started to choke up but before I let the tear that gathered in my eyes fall, I was cut off.
"Joshua, with the right treatment, there is a high chance this cancer can be broken down. You're very lucky you came in before it got worse." He seemed relieved. Doctor Weekes acted like he actually cared and that felt good. "However, we need to run a few more tests meaning, you'll be staying in the hospital for a few more nights. And that is on top of your treatments." His sound of relief disappeared.
Although the thought of staying in this god forsaken place made my bones shiver, with the possibility of my lung cancer being put in remission, I couldn't care less. Treatments start tomorrow and I have that same feeling in my stomach that I had when I first found out I had to go under chemotherepy a few years ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{flashback}
"Mrs. Dun-"
"Please, call me momma dun"
"Okay momma dun. After multiple tests for your son 'Joshua William Dun', we regret to inform you, your son has stage 1 ewings sarcoma. This is an extremely rare form of cancer. He will need to undergo multiple treatments and tests for the doctors and I to fix this as best as possible."
And there she stood. Her mouth open, but for some reason no words were coming out. She started to shake. Almost like a meltdown. Which is understandable when hearing your 17 year old son has cancer. Then, the tears came. So much of them. She held me tighter than she's ever held me before. All a mother can dream for is for their children to be healthy, but all her dreams were crushed by a middle aged man with a stethoscope around his neck.
I just sit in silence, in complete shock of the words that just left his mouth. My eyes haven't moved once as i stared down at my feet with a trillion and one things running through my mind. Am i gonna die? How long would it be until I lose all my hair? When was i gonna die? Why me? I'm taken away from my thoughts with a subtle shake on my shoulder.
"Jos-Josh please say something! We can through this i promise you. Of course the medication and chemo will be costly but i'll do anything to have my baby healthy." she says with a fake side smile. I know she's hurting. A lot
I thought this was the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was my first night sleeping in the hospital. I still wasn't used to not being at home with my maroon covers with fuzzy interior over me, warming me up as i sleep. However, it wasn't dreadful, just uncomfortable at worst. The patient next to me doesn't know how to shut up. "NURSE!!! NURSE!!! I NEED MORE PAIN MEDS. IM DYING AND YOU SCUMS DONT EVEN CARE!!" That's all i hear half of the time im awake.
In hopes of not getting a pounding migraine from this old mans screaming, I decide to take a walk.
The cafeteria here is kinda gross to be honest, but what else can i eat? So i grab an apple, pb+j, water and some unappetizing looking jello. This will hold me up until my mom brings me my dinner.
The walk from my prison cell to the cafeteria isn't too long which is good considering the medicine knocks the wind right out of me. I finally reach my room and shut the door behind me. I go to eat on my bed but I can't exactly.
There's someone in it. Maybe he was accidentally put in to the wrong room which is totally understandable. Or maybe he's just saying hi. Either way I kind of wanted to be left alone.
"Hey.. uh i'm sorry but you're um.. in my.. bed." I manage to choke out, trying my hardest not to sound rude.
He seemed confused. His eyes staring at me like a lost dog. His eyes were pretty, a golden brown if you will. With a dark brown ring on the perimeter. They were hypnotizing.
"Room 21? I was handed a form telling me to go here. I'm sorry I can go if you want." he started to pack his things up in a hurry. It must've seemed like i was bothered by his presence.
" Wait- no you dont have to go." i sound stupid. "I mean you can hang here for a bit until we get things sorted" for some reason i felt nervous around him.
"alright, thanks man" he said with lifted spirits.
"no problem." the grin on my face was genuine.
"I'm tyler"
"Josh."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hh i hope this was long enough. the chapters will probably get longer as the story progresses but ya comment what ya think ok thanks:))
