my demon

ROUGH DAY

i sit by myself in a classroom doing my work i feel horribly uncomfortable i know they are all staring for i couldn't help it and i broke down into tears during breakfast and all thanks to the one person i thought i could mostly trust... my cousin my only friend but we were both born in two different worlds her family is rich while mine is middle class i am very different than her and i know it but after all we've been through i did not think that she would say such horrible things about me at the party i overheard her tell this girl how weird i am and how embarrassing it is to be around me now she is making me what is wrong she is yelling at me i fake like i can't hear with me loud music but i am in the brink of tears she gets up and rolls up my sleeves before i can stop her the guy i like sees them my... big secret he gives me a disputed look and i feel my chest drop i am on the brink of tears why she asks me i take my hand back now the whole class is looking she is trying to call unnecessary attention i can feel tears well up in my eyes so bite my cheek to keep my self from crying but i can feel a tear roll downy face ''look at her wrists! she did it again" i can hear her yell she  turns around and says "you are the whole families shame "at least she said it in spanish i try to comfort myself but the thing about it is that even though i won't have to deal with a teacher asking me about my scars i am gonna have all the newcomers that their home language is spanish looking at me like i am a monster get up from my seat and go up to my teachers desk and i ask if i am allowed to go use the restroom she asks me what my cousin had said i told her that it was a stupid joke she gives the pass and i run across the hallway to the restroom i sit there in the floor looking down to my wrists i cut 34 times total more tan i usually do cant stop crying i feel like i am a monster i search in my pocket till i find my blade there is no more space to cut in my wrists so i go for my thighs.....one, two, three, four, five stop now, no, one more just one will make you feel better. after i am done and the blood is finished coming out i hear the bell ring.Finally time to go home i decide not to go back in the classroom for i have everything i need.i plug my headphones in and crank it up so loud every time a song ends my eyes water and the inside of my ears vibrate but i don't really care i might as well go deaf before i let you hurt me more with your words