Missed Connections

Chapter 35 - The Luckiest

Louis

Evynn's eyes intensely stare back at me.  The deep blue-green of her irises change every time I peer at them, but it's the constancy of the yellow flecks around her pupils that I find the most striking.  They seem to dance in the light and betray the intelligence behind them.  Right now they are shining in hesitation, her body tight with tension.  As I run my fingers over her lips, she licks them sending moisture forward.  My eyes wander to watch the slow and deliberate movement of her tongue.  I want nothing more than to kiss away her vulnerabilities, or even better to have her share the burden with me. 

"Lou, you make me feel beautiful."

Fuck me. 

Hearing her say those words makes my heart soar.  She deserves to feel like that.  To know how amazing I think she is.  But words fail me.  A little tiny voice inside me keeps nagging at the pit of my stomach.  There is so much she doesn't know about me yet.  So many huge things.  I can't let myself get too carried away with feelings, not without telling her everything.  It wouldn't be fair to her.

Maybe Haz is right.  I need to stop over thinking it.  It's just feelings.  And being honest and forthcoming.  No big deal, right? I don't usually have trouble being truthful.  Blunt even.  The "Swag Masta from Doncasta".  Yet, I hesitate when it comes to Evynn.  Ever since I first saw her on the tube, I haven't been able to shake the impact of her eyes.  They rock me to my very core.  Knowing I could be responsible for bringing hurt into them bloody sucks. 

Fucking hell.  Leaving her, leaving Toronto, a city I have come to love, those options are about as welcome as a bag of dicks.  Yet, here I am acting like a fucking twat because I still can't bring myself to talk to her.  Fuck!

Images of Eleanor flash through my head.  Our break up looked simple on the outside, but was utter shite in private.  My public life and grueling tour schedule put strain on a tenuous connection near the end, and when we cut ties it was my fame that drove the knife further in.  That shit load of pain was clearly responsible for some of my idiotic decisions after that.  But at least I can change that.  I can keep this relationship here without involving the whole world...

As I have been prattling on inside my head like a complete dickhead, Evynn has been watching my face.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.  Keep it cool, Tommo!

"Baby, is everything ok?" she says gently.

I love it when she calls me that. 

"Yeah, luv.  Just getting lost in your eyes."

She blushes deeply, and bites her lip.  It's fucking adorable.  I lean forward and plant a kiss on her soft lips.  She tastes sweet like candy and smells like my shampoo with a hint of vanilla.  I can't resist deepening the kiss and grabbing her cheeks in my hands.  I could taste her forever.  Down, little Tommo! 

Evynn follows my lead for a moment or two before breaking our kiss by firmly pressing her lips on mine.  I leave my eyes closed for a few second, letting the last taste of her linger.  It's intoxicating.  Sensing my hesitation, Evynn crushes her lips to mine once more.

"Earth to Louis!  What's happening in there?" she says, giggling.  "Or is it just a change in direction of blood flow?   Your joggers certainly seem happy to see me."

"Fuck, woman.  What are you doing to me?"

"Not enough, apparently.  Though, we're taking it slow according to you."

"Fucking hell, luv.  You're making it tough for me to do the right thing."

"Always," she replies with a sassy look, biting her lips and running her fingers over my chubby.