light to my despair (janiel au)

part one: My story

why? why is it like this? why does this have to happen to me?
everyone thinks i'm always happy. "oh Joey i love him hes always upbeat and smiling and making me happy."
why can't i be the happy one? why does everyone around me get to be happy? why do i have to live in this lie that i'm always happy? Everyone is always wondering why I stuff my nose into books or stay up all night in a t shirt and basketball shorts watching netflix. They all think it's because I am just obsessed with super heroes and books but it's just to escape the cruel reality. Reading and watching movies warps your mind into an alternative universe and while you're their for that short amount of time u feel the slightest bit of hope and for a moment u feel like u can conquer the world. Until u realize that this type of stuff will never happen in real life. I will never meet the man of my dreams in a coffee place saving me from a fire, or going to work in a rush because i'm late and they will never bump into me and spill my coffee over my clothes and fall in love with me. I will never get my letter from hogwarts or get struck by lightning and gain abilities. I will just stick to my everyday routine of plastering a fake smile upon my face. Until the impossible happened i found real hope not just from books and tv shows but i met the love of my life. it all started with one look i instantly knew i would love him. i never belived in love at first sight but i guess it's true what they say can't believe it till u see it or in this case live it.
so here it is here is the story of how my life went from being in the depths of hell to the bumpy rollercoaster u call living. Here we go buckle in...

walking down the streets of LA when a handsome man with raven hair and a little bit of scruff bumped into me he turned around and said "sorry" but the second he turned around it was like time froze the intimidating sun shined in the brown eyed guys eyes. his eyes melted in the golden rays of the sun. Then it dawned on me that i have been staring and he had been waving his hand back and fourth in front of my face. I felt so embarrassed. I felt my cheeks and ears turn bright red so i immediately looked down in a hurry. He just stared at me with a confused face i could tell he was thinking. "what the actual fuck is wrong with this man" i came back to the realization that i was still looking down so i slowly looked back up and saw his face again. when someone yelled "daniel" the handsome man turned around and said "going babe״ Man i guess he was taken. I mean how could i think he wasn't literally just look at him. I saw that the handsome man was looking at me with a confused face. i realized i had said all those things out loud. oh my god could this get any worse. finally the man spoke and said "see you" and walked off to his i suppose boyfriend. Two months later monday came it was back to school time. since i had just moved to LA i have also started a new school i know fun right. i hope this school will be different. maybe this year i'll actually won't have to fake the smile.
i walked into this new school home of the lion. i made my way down the hallway observing everything and everyone looking at the way they stood talked dressed. observing every little detail making sure i didn't miss one thing. i made my way down the hall way until i came across the door that said main office i walked in to ask for my schedule and they said i had to enroll with the principle first. so they showed me the way to the principles office. the principle seemed like a nice lady not to mention my gaydar senses were tingling. She said that she made my schedule identical to a "daniel preda" in order to have someone show me around. she spoke over the PA asking for daniel preda to come to the principles office. he walked in asking if anything was wrong, but the principle assured him that he was not in trouble she just wanted him to show me around. i turned around and instantly remembered that face i started blushing and turned around quickly. this would only happen to me. he looked at me and asked if we knew eachother and i shrugged it off and said idk u look familiar for some reason. the principle told daniel to take me to our homeroom. on the way there he asked me my name and why i moved to the school so late into high school. i told him it was. because my mom wanted a fresh start. And that is the truth. We finally entered the class and i had already gotten his number. he explained that i was a new student to the class and i did one of those dumb ice breaks meds teachers make u do. the teacher sat me next to daniel and some other guy named Dan. infront of me was a girl named cat and infront of dan was someone named phil. All was going well until someone from my passed walked in his name was preston. Let's just say preston and i go way back and it ain't pretty preston immediately sat down infront of daniel. Daniel and him looked at eachother hugged and sat back down. the second they hugged the entire class went awwee otp and this cat girl in front of me said "i can't believe u guys are actually dating" and that is when my heart sunk again and i i immediately brought out my book written by shane dawson called "it gets worse" and damn right it does.