Allie

Untitled Part 1

Since the day she was born everyone knew there was something special, and as well all know, special comes with difficulty.

A 2o year old woman, about to give to give birth to a child of the earth, a child that does not know how the universe will treat her, a child who now, writes a story to heal her soul through art.

she's scared, doctors have told her she might not live, its a complicated birth they say, the baby might not live, but love, as it always does, makes miracles.

This is how my aun tells the story,  of course in a more eccentric kind of way. A magical mystery, i wasn't supposed to be born, but her love an my grandmothers made me live, according to them a doctor called Angel operated on my mother, when they wanted to thank him the people at the hospital told them no doctor existed with that name; and so my story started.

I lived a very happy childhood, my mother and my grandma in a house,  my days consisted on playing baseball with a broomstick, chasing bugs, dressing myself in flowers and never washing my hands, a high racing heart and eyes that saw magic in every corner.my father was studying on the united states at the time, i was a weird child... or so i thought. I imagined many thing at night time, things moved around me, i heard things, later on in life i realized i had OCD, but that a story for another time. A few years passed, i was  always imagining different worlds and becoming every character i saw on tv.

I met my father at the age of five, things got really fun at this time, we traveled a lot with my parents, we got a house, i started school, life was magical to me, i created so many things and became so many people, i believed in magic and in wishes, i guess my faith mobilized everything, even the imposible. Sometimes i wonder why im writing this story, i think its because i need to remember so i can go on, or i have the hope that when someone reads it, they can once agin remember that they are human.

I discovered sex at a very young age, actually i discovered what sexual pleasure was, i was in fact a child discovering her body but i got addicted to that feeling, and its been like that ever since. i guess there is no structure to the story, just memories slightly told in order, to understand human behavior.

I have small flashes of a six year old me that peed her pants daily at school, i still do not remember why, an endless tapping of fingers, recounting numbers. at age 17, when i got diagnosed with odd i started to remember all of my obsessions that i had when i was a child, and realized that that was why i was bullied so badly. It got worse in third grade, new kids got to the school and i was dying for attention, i made up stories so i could have something to talk about, i was an imaginative mind, an artistic mind that had no idea how to release the demons inside, a human being with so much energy inside, ideas and thoughts, these where released in the obsessions and calls for attention, i remember i attended to many psychologist for a prolongated time. Sometimes i still wonder why, and im still scared to ask.

 I got two sisters, childhood was fine. it was fine.

My grandma has always been a very important part in my life, its hard to realize how i cannot remember her smell no longer, how i do not miss her the same as before.

She was sweetness, she was tenderness, she was the balance that broke us all apart, the breakage in life that would my today. She got cancer when i was 11, or so i remember, when she was sick my mother made her best to take care of her, my mother...

My mother a beautiful young woman, always so strong, always a hard worker, beautiful in essence, a mother and a friend,a woman, a human being who was broken by life and healed by the venom that humans created. And so the drank, drank away her pain, her beautiful eyes could not tell us truth, her kisses were no loner pure, life disappeared. Abu was fading away with sickness and her daughter was loosing who she was. Fights started, violence became the common language between my parents, two hearts who had once created life were decomposing.

Grandma died, my mother faded into a sea of troubles. The sweetness in her disappeared, she was taken to an alcoholics center, a place where humans cure humans or so i thought. that year i failed my whole course, we lost our home and my mother was locked away when i mostly needed her, and my father had no idea how to repair us.

I was alone, in this huge house, taken care of by strangers who did not know how to touch my soul.

I lost two amazing women and all i gained was; unbalanced.