Its your first year of high school. And you want to graduate and leave as fast as you can. Your parents have told you you wont remember anyone once you leave. They warn you to not get too attatched. But then, You meet, and you find excuses to hang out and to be friends. She has a tiny birthmark on her neck that you notice but don't mention. At first you catch yourself thinking about her a little, and then alot, then all the time. You stop sleeping, and eating, and whatever music you listen to, is so tied to her, that in 25 years from now, someone will play that song again and you will remember exactly how you feel right now. And at some point, you will both admit it, you're in love, this is when you're really fucked. Cause that is when she is under your skin. You had no idea you could care about another human being this much. And nothing can ever ruin this. And anyone that ever tells you otherwise, is an idiot. You're not even 20 yet, and you've just met the love of your life, how lucky is that? You are probably neglecting to turn in assignments, and sleeping less but what does that matter?
You get to know her parents well, and she knows yours. You know each other so well, you could easily write a book about each other. She shows you music that you probably wouldn't have cared about other wise. But for some reason when you see how it makes her smile, you love every note. You tell her about your music and she pretends to care very convincingly.
A few years later, you move in together because, why not? You stay up late, you drink, you watch her sleep in the morning before you go and make her breakfast and suddenly all that bullshit love poetry they teach you in school , begins to make sense. You don't believe in fate or stuff like that but you begin to understand why some people do.
And then one day she looks at someone else, and she laughs , or smiles. And you feel this sort of weird sting. Welcome to jealousy, that sticks around for a while. You don't mention it because you, yourself dont fully understand. And she probably feels the same way about you and thats nice. You both get jobs, you get stressed, you get tired, you watch alot of tv together, you talk about getting a dog. She mentions this guy at work that sends her funny emails, then you decide to murder him but then remember thats illegal.
You start taking her to work in the morning before you go to work. Everyday, making her lunch and drawing flowers on the lunch bags you give her. She says she is tired of work. So without hesitation, you tell her to take her vacation days in a month. You plan a quick trip to her favorite city. You go, fall for each other all over again in the stars.
You can tell she misses home. But you extend the trip a week. Because you want her to appreciate home even more. You tell her that you are going to see some old friends nearby, and that you will be back in time for bed.
You lied. You go in your car and call her dad. Then you go to the jewelry store. And you get a ring for her. Something simple, that you know she will love. And when you get back you tell her you had an amazing time. And you cannot sleep out of guilt for lying. You wake up and call your mom to tell her. And she tells you to stop worrying, its for a good cause.
On the way home you are so much more quiet than your usual self. Your love gives you looks. She asks whats wrong, and you say you miss traveling. She just grabs your arm and holds you. She gets up to go to the bathroom and says she doesn't feel well. She comes back and says that when they land they need to go to a hospital.
She has leukemia. She probably wont make it. The doctor says he is confident in that, but he wishes for a miracle.
You propose, when they wheel her out of the hospital. And she cries. Of course you idiot. Why haven't you asked sooner.
Months go by. And you plan a wedding but it has to be near home, she cant travel anymore. You go to a nice pond. Invite all your family and closest friends. Email guy is there for her. You feel guilty, because you were jealous that he might steal her away. And now you know it won't be him taking her away.
You get married, and she gets worse. You take care of her. In sickness and in health. Every morning she wakes you up to use the restroom. She cant go herself anymore. And of course you help. And when you can, you take her out on a nice walk. Pick flowers for her, she loves flowers. You draw them everywhere and give as many as you can to her.
But one day, she does not wake you up. You rush her to the hospital. She is barely breathing. Her parents are there as soon as possible. The three people that love her the most. She still has not woken up. But you do not dare leave. And you sit by her all night. And you drift off, only to be woken by loud beeping. The love of your life is fading away. And tears are streaming down your face as they rush you out of the room to try what they can. But everyone walks out and hugs you. And you cry. You know what happened. She is gone.
You spend a few hours at the hospital. Signing her out. Her parents say that they will handle the funeral. They tell you to get some rest. Its been almost 30 hours. You drive home. Slowly. People honk at you. And you don't care. Then you pull into your drive way. And you open the door. And you are back home. It is almost like she never left, her belongings are still here. Her clothes are still here. Some smell like her. And you hold on to old jackets. For dear life. Its all you have left.
And you cry again. And your heart drops. And you walk to bed.
Whats the point.
You lay on her side. You miss her so much. Her pillow is so uncomfortable. But you laugh, because you know she likes hard pillows. And you fix yourself, and hear paper shuffle. You reach under the pillow. And you see every flower you have ever given her. You hold onto them so close. And you fall, asleep.
