The Roommates (Louis Tomlinson.)

AskCass #3

'Hi you wonderful hot messes. It's AskCass finally! Yay! And I asked for random questions and I saw there was alot of school questions, so let's just see what the hell happened.'

'Was yesterday's video scripted?'

'No! It wasn't that little brat just decided to get involve.'

'If the world was about to end and your house was a space shuffle, what five people would you save?'

'Okay, this is one of these questions I can't because it's so damn complicated. And what are you talking about? I can't allow my brain to go that far into a fake ass reality because if the world was about to end and it was where my house would be a space shuttle. We would already be dead. The wood would be falling off into the soil..'

'This teacher won't let me take a shit when I need to, what do I do?'

'Well that's when you use my method by when they say you can't go that it's alright if I use my desk as a toilet.'

'If people farted febreze, how do you think the world would be?'

'I think it would be a mess. Because you know that it isn't like a fresh scent.. It's like you know, someone shit their pants and they are trying to cover it up.

'How you think life would be with a 20 foot dick?'

'I think.. It would be hard.. And long.. It would be hard and long and sometimes it would get a little messy.' I laugh.

'Cassidy, my teacher smells really bad and asks complicated ass questions. What should I do?'

'I've never been so fortunate to have a teacher that smells like straight up butt crack, but I have had teachers that go to the damn teachers lounge in the morning and down like fifty cups of vultures. And come into the class and try to talk to me with their hot ass coffee breath. And I'm like if you don't fall the fuck back, I know that you are here for me. You are here to educate me but that doesn't mean I want your hot ass dragon breath, burning my fucking face and my eyebrow and my nose hairs. Like can I get a fire extinguisher on my desk. There's nothing you can do about a smelly teacher but deal but if you want to be unique and you know throw some under cover shades. Instead of bringing that bitch an apple bring her like a bar of dove soap. And the questions aren't complicate. You're just stupid.'

'Would you rather eat out of your grandmother or eat shit out of a toilet? Would you rather eat a hot tub of old mans cum once a month or have a bird poop in your mouth everyday? Would you rather eat chicken shit or cow throw up? Swim in pee or swim in poop?!'

'I'm getting so traumatised today.'

'If you had to choose to have sex with either the Cookie Monster or Big Bird, who would you choose?'

'I would choose Big Bird.. Cause I like them tall.. And feathery.'

'How do you say you don't want to go out with a guy?'

'You know just say, I like you but I don't like that, can you evacuate my damn proximity.'

'Cassidy, how do I survive my freshman year of high school and and avoid all the fake people?'

'Theres no way you can avoid fake people. They are literally everywhere.'

'What if I fart on my man during-' I cut off the question saying.

'I am not answering that! Nasty!'

'If your butthole started talking to you, how would you take it?'

'Well, I think that it would be nice. We would be the best of friends and discuss everything that goes on down there. And compare notes.. And satisfaction rates.'