Here's all the Pain you Caused.

:AM (poem)

It's 2:03 am, I missed the magical time and didn't get to wish to be happy again. So I guess i'll just wait another hour.

It's 3:03 now and I am not sure if I want to waist my wish on happiness, because I have prayed to the god I don't believe in at least a thousand times already and it's making my knees weak knowing that I might be sad forever.

3:04
I again lost my hopeful 60 seconds to overthinking.
Overthinking.
Oh well, I didn't wish for happiness, so maybe tomorrow I can blame the tears in my eyes on the fact that those 60 seconds just weren't long enough.

But I might just wait another hour because it's easier than admitting that i'm not asleep because I am afraid of seeing her bloody wrists in my dreams again,
Nightmares.

I drank a couple cans of energy drinks to keep my puffy eyes wide open, safe from the darkness that creeps under my eyelids every time I dare to close my eyes, but that might have been too much because my heart is pounding and my hands are sweating.
But it's still better than,
Nightmares

4:04
I wish I-
Or him?
Maybe I should wish for his happiness instead of mine because he deserves it more, I love that boy more than I will ever admit to anyone. When i'm feeling sad he describes the astonishing scent of roses and makes me smell them, secretly tricking me into taking another breath. That boy is the only reason i'm alive, yet he him himself wishes to be dead.
Yes, his happiness.

But, 4:05
And i'm fucked.
But I guess that's okay,
I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway.
Nightmares.