My Meltdown Diary

entry 1

I can't do this anymore I really can't. My school life is hell my home life its just as bad every part of my life is hell at school I only have 2 friends I hang out with and now that they are dating I barely get to talk to my best friend alone. I can't talk to the lady from the mental health becauseI don't trust them much yet and when we do talk she can't get hold of me because I'm not in class I can't be in class because I just can't deal with it I try to but I can't. in homeroom i hate the teacher because she ruined my birthday and upset me to the point I went over my cuts from earlier I have started cutting again. I have absolutely no one to be able to talk to anymore I am not going to get in to university or college because I can't raise my grades when I do try to go to classes I just get upset in law there is all the people who bullied me last year who were in my biology class are in there and I can't be around them and then then fucking layyn and ashley from grade nine still bully me to the point I was ready to fucking stab them both earlier I can't even go to my fucking locker because laykns is down the hall and she always is with ashley and they have both always been rude to the point that today on the one time I tried to go to law I walked out before attendance got taken and I can't be in that class math I can handle and do but then there's my English class I can't go to it I just can't I try but I can't handle it I haven't been in English in so long and the last full week I went I don't even remember I am not used to English class I hate the book we had to read and couldn't read it because I couldn't focus on it and everyone I tried to get focused and read it I would start to fall asleep and not even get past a page or two of it so I stopped going I couldn't do it English doesn't even matter I know how to read and write and spell and talk I know grammar and punctuation enough I don't really care about stupid little oh you have to do this and that you won't need them anywhere but here but do it anyway just to waste your time. theater rate I go to half the time but then again I can't always go because I just can't handle it the guys are always rude and bully us they all team up against me because they all hate me they put me down with the words they say I just can't do it they record us without our permissions they bug us and they always make sure to ruin my day I hate the class sure I have a friend Teri in it and a few fake ones I don't really care for to much and then there is Georgia who I am completely done with and am sick and tired of her bullshit I hate how she always goes around hooking up with guy after guy after guy she needs to grow the Fuck up and stop opening her legs to anyone who wants to Fuck and not get attached so easily she knew I liked a guy and she went for him and then when I massaged him to give him my approval he turend around and started a fight with Georgia who then proceeded to start pitching at me without me even saying anything she steals people's shit and lies all the time I am tired of the society I live in I just want to die. framing and breathing I can't go to because I hate how I am the only girl and I feel like I can't be there because they always make comments to or about me that upset me so I stay away from everyone to sweep but I don't go anymore my at home life is no worse my brother doesn't do anything but make a mess and always be rude his court is soon so he is stressed and stressing other people about anything mom and him are always fighting and yelling he has been setting up a bulletin board in my room and using it as a dashboard for playing with his throwing knife yesterday it got so bad he and moms fighting to the point he tied a shoelace around his neck and took his throwing knife and sliced his arm open a lot and I nearly ran away because of everything I had my bags ready and was all set to go when mom came home I never get a free day at home all the house work I end up having to do and random always has his idiot friend that no one but hI'm likes and I hate it because of he is over everyday and I hate him I hate my life at home I hate having not a person to talk to I hate my life at school I just hate it all everyday of my life I hate having a broken family I hate having no friends I hate school but it is the only gettaway I have from home I go to school because my mom doesn't let me go really do anything I have to have at least one getaway I can't get a job because of my bad school grades I can't do anything right I just hate my entire life I hate how I am friendzoned I hate how I love my guy best friend I hate how my mom lets me have sleepers but never go to them I hate how my mom hates my best friend I just hate being alive