Bad boy dan

Chapter 5

Dan's pov

A few weeks ago, Phil slept over and I had a horrible nightmare. My parents were away so I didnt have to deal with them. Im sitting here in my room, its Wednesday night and I feel so depressed. I just want to be loved. My parents hate me, I love Phil, but he probably doesn't love me. I have no one. I could kill myself right now and no one would care. I stand up and walk into my bathroom. I opened the cupboard and pull out my blood stained razor. I took it in my left hand and began to make deep cuts into my wrists. This isn't enough. Its just the same feeling over and over every time. I moved my hand down to my naked thighs and began to slice the inner thicker skin. It hurt more, but it felt better. More relieving but also more exciting. I stopped when I heard thumping up the stairs. I quickly turned on the shower and hopped in, hoping that someone wouldn't come in if they heard the shower. I rinsed all the blood off of my arms and legs. Why didnt I try this before? Well now I know for next time. Once I was done in the shower, I went and put some black pyjama bottoms on and went to bed. I was really tired after that, considering I did just loose a shit done of blood.

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I woke up next morning feeling even worse than I did yesterday. Thursdays are always the worst, its sport day and we have to participate, so a while ago I decided to join the school band. Dont get me wrong I love piano, but I just dont do well with other people that I dont know. The only time im good with other people is when im drunk, high, or having sex. I was not doing any of those things now and I am such a socially awkward person who cant even ask for a pen without my heart having a spaz attack. I get up out of bed deciding that I really dont want to put any effort into anything today, not even my hair. I feel so miserable and shit. I went downstairs and didnt even bother to eat. Come to think of it, I haven't eating in 2 days, I just haven't been hungry. I walked put the door and got in my car. I was driving when I passed Phil walking and stopped next to him.
"Phil!, do you want a lift?" I asked, my voice monotone.
"Uh yeah sure, that would be great" he got in and looked at me before I started driving.
"Dan, you look terrible, are you okay?" Its always those same words, are you okay. They have lost their meaning. Everyone says it now just to be polite, they dont really want to know, its like going trick or treating and that rare person actually says trick.
"Wow, good morning to you too" I continued driving to school.
"Sorry Dan, you just loom really run down, are you alright" he said it again. Are you alright. Why, why do people say it, I mean, im sure he doesn't really want to hear it. Does he? I decide to answer with just a simple 'fine'. I wasnt looking at him  it i could tell he was looking at me.
"Dan. Tell me what is wrong. You can trust me" I pulled up to the school and parked the car.
"You really want to know why I look like shit, why I've been so moody for 2 weeks?. Ever since our little sleepover Phil. I had a nightmare. That wasnt just a bad dream Phil. That shit fucked me up, im not okay, im not loved by anyone. I know my parents dont love me, I mean look at the shit they do to me, this isn't what parents do" I began to sob.
"I know you dont love me Phil, why would you. Im a complete fuck up, but Phil. I love you, and I cant help that. I used to be able to fuck anyone in the school, now I cant even kiss someone without thinking of you and feeling guilty because im not with you Phil" he didnt say anything, but just stared at me with wide eyes for 5 seconds before smashing his lips against mine. I was too weak to kiss back.
"I love you too Dan. Your not a fuck up, your perfect to me, no matter what has happened to you, you will always be my bear" im his bear. I felt my stomach drop when he said that. I felt sick, but a nervous sick. Phil does love me, I mean he just said it, so it must be true. We got out of the car and walked into school holding hands. Everyone was staring and I mean everyone. We soon got to our lockers and my so called 'friends' were there. Chris and PJ turned around. Their expression changed from being happy to see me, to why the Fuck are hour holding hands with Phil Lester.
"Hey Dan, whatcha doing?" Chris asked.
"The bets off" I said quickly, walking past him to go to Phil's locker.
"W-what do ya mean. Your not ditching us are ya?"
"Well, its not like you guys actually care about me"
"Fine then, if you wanna play like that" the group walked off, PJ looking back at me with an evil look.
"Dan, I-im so sorry, I didnt mean for you to lose your friends" Phil said staring at me with sadness.
"Pfff friends, the only person I need right now is you" I hugged him, I could feel him smiling Into my chest.