Dreamer...

Thoughts.

She was in her room siting in her bed with the lights off wondering why she's like this ,wondering why she can't be as happy as she see other people being. Everything she has done in her life is help others and be nice with a fake smile on her face. What she tends to call friends are they really her friends? She feels empty inside, like she's has never been loved by anyone. Every night she goes to sleep with tears in her eyes and the person she use to call best friend is no longer in her life. She sees him everyday walking through the school but she can't get close to him or she will be ignored like she's been all her life. She has other friends, maybe, but she's lost in this world, she doesn't know what is stopping her for making new friends, or maybe is that people don't want to be her friend. But why? Can't you see? she can help you and make other people happy even if she can't make her self happy, life is just keep passing her by. She wonders if she has a future, she wonders everyday, every night, even when she's deep asleep she wonders In her dreams. She had someone that made her feel happy that made her know her true self... or did he? Everything was so perfect like they had this connection, something she never thought she was gonna have but everything just ended to fast. It wasn't her fault, she was always this happy girl that never told her sad emotions. He even thought  that he wasn't enough for her... he was right he wasn't enough... he wasn't what she truly needed it, all she needed was someone that she can share what really was going on with her not what she acted like. "I just want to be happy" she said in a really low voice while she starts to drown in her on tears. Her family don't appreciate they don't even feel proud of anything she has done, they insult her every time she  does something wrong. Why you need to come up to her with means words? that you'll know will break her, but you have broken her enough. Maybe she's cute maybe she's pretty, maybe she's beautiful... she doesn't know what she is. "But why to him? why trying to post a pretty picture on Social media ? so that guy you crave hits the like bottom? She ask her self always why?, but she just keeps doing it. The guy with long black hair and blue eyes thinks you're attractive, and you know you don't crave easy you crave hard but maybe your not what he wasn't. Maybe right now, you have to find your self because your heart is a broken drum beating to your favorite song, but the drums is what he is, the only thing he is a perfect one , while your just broken... so why look at you? When he's perfect and he can have a perfect girl just like him, hey, no guy wants something that is not perfect or something that is broken no guy wants you." She starts to cry loudly while the voice in her head keep talking. "Stop uploading pictures to the internet just to make him want you, he will notice what he has lost because you will rise maybe not now but soon." She try's to calm her self, but her heart is just beating to fast "why I'm like this, omg the voices I want them to stop and alI I hear is good and bad please stop I know I'm not pretty, I know I'm not what he wants, I know I'm not smart enough I know I know I know, I know I can't sing I know I'm not blonde I know I'm not skinny i just know please stop" she's starts screaming covering her ears, she's just can get the voices out. Her past wasn't pretty either oh God why the bad stuff always happens to the good ones? Why the girl with green eyes and dark hair? People say that her eyes are beautiful but does she have more than that? They don't see deep down they only see the color , the color of nature but she's not beautiful as nature, she's just another girl trying to be happy or maybe she's beautiful only she will know. Dreams are a wonderful world, dreams she always have...  she's a dreamer, all she wants is to live in her dreams, that's where she's most happy dreaming, dreaming of being happy dreaming of having real friends, dreaming about having a family that loves her, dreaming of the boy she really wants just dreaming of being happy. She felt asleep but with a beautiful dream let her soul live while she dreams.