IT WAS ALWAYS YØU

Dear My Dan,

What a strange being you are.

Eyelashes fluttered and cast shadows over chocolate brown eyes, soft and tired, before resting gently against perfect porcelain cheeks.

Phil brushed the loose brown curls from his forehead and pressed a kiss to the skin, gently, like he would break if he wasn't careful.

Really, that might be true, and that terrified him.

Dan shifted slightly and he curled up into Phil's old hoodie, snuggling into the couch, but soft brown eyes stayed behind tired eyelids.

Phil could hear the gentle shush of even breath, whispers of air between parted lips that were more than once kissed blue. How Phil wished he could do that now, how he wished he could just kiss him until he understood how beautiful he was, but he was finally asleep. He was finally at peace, for now at least.

The grip on his hand tightened, and Phil knew he was not at peace. Someone so lovely could never be at peace in such a cruel world.

"Go to sleep, love." Phil squeezed his hand back, warm and reassuring.

   "I'm scared, Phil."

   And Phil immediately thought that he was just as beautiful when he was terrified as he was when he was peaceful, but he was always beautiful. Always soft and ethereal and orphic and glowing and all the other words Phil couldn't summon at the sight of Dan. An elysian being of celestial, otherworldly, inner and outer beauty.

   "You've got nothing to be scared of," he squeezed his hand again "I'm right here."

   Dan smiled at him, a weak broken smile, but still too beautiful for this cruel world. Too beautiful for anyone at all. Something that words couldn't describe in the way his eyes twinkled and his cupid's bow lips turned up into a gesture of adoration.

   Phil sighed dreamily and stooped over, wiggling his arms under Dan's weary knees and back before scooping him up so his legs hung over Phil's arm. Dan curled up into his chest and giggled softly, a sound so soft it could be mistaken for the whisper of a swept curtain or a gentle wind, but Phil knew that laugh too well to miss it.

   "You're going to bed now, big day tomorrow." Phil whispered sweetly, nose brushing against Dan's as he carried him to bed.

   "Why should I," Dan paused, yawning "when there's anime to be watched and video games to be played?"

   "You need to actually sleep tonight, you spoon." Phil chuckled fondly.

   Dan rolled his eyes without loosing any warmth to them, like the sun rolling across the sky "Whatever, you just don't want me to beat your score at Just Dance."

   And now they were at their bedroom door, slightly ajar and welcoming them to sleep. Phil pushed it open with his foot while sighing and rolling his eyes sarcastically in return, then glanced lovingly down at the boy in his arms before laying him on the bed and climbing in next to him.

   "You smell nice," Dan nuzzled into Phil's neck and inhaled "like cherry blossoms."

   Phil laughed warmly and turned to face Dan and his squinting tired eyes and his curly chestnut hair and his soft pink lips and everything he loved about him. Every perfect detail that he couldn't describe with words.