DE SCHULD VAN ONS LOT

CHAPTER 10

It hurts to see my mom crying that night, but I know everything happens for a reason. It's a month since my mom cried that night. It's okay for me that I don't have my father. I didn't have that hatred I was keeping before, thanks to Billy. My mom and I are now happy, we come to travel across the world often. I am now a Christian at World International Ministries Netherlands, the church of Billy. Became a praise and worship member, and started to compose songs. But despite of all this blessings, it's so sad that the first guy I wanted to thank, without him this will never happen, the first guy I did loved had to end his life.

Dear Zabe,

I wish you're happy now. Just don't keep that anger with your dad, I know this is hard, the world is unfair but we have to be fair. The world is not a wish granting factory. There is no try in this world, there's only a do. I also heard you and your mom are now okay. "Prayer does not change all things for you, it changes you for all things", remember I said this to you?, I hoped it helped you but it helped me the most, the day you were gone, there was so many things that changed me, I have realized what it really means, I hope it also same to you. I thank God that I met you. I wish I could spend more years with you. The day after you left, my cancer got serious, it got worse, Zabe. But I can't blame God, he gave me this life and I guess I have lived that life, he gave and he takes. I have loved you, Zabrina Crawford, and I will always love you. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you everything, I'm really, really sorry. Sorry for loving you, I was a grenade then, I knew from the start I was going to explode, I have to keep the casualties, but I didn't, I can't help it. I want to shout to the whole world that a 19 year old guy with a cancer just got lucky, he was loved by someone like you Zabe. I'm sorry. I love you, goodbye for now.

Yours and will always be,

Billy Greyson