Idk how to process what jus happened jus now. My heart is in my stomach in a knot.
My bf is a duel souled. Technically he was tri- souled His moment of transformation was amazing. The purging of the ancient darkness caged inside was nuts. It only took 7 rounds. Now he must sit on a grey cloud till the last days..... and after 2 years I herd laughter and genuine joy for the first time ever from this guy. Rewind a scene... Trapped for 23 years with no good emotion is a hard thing. Once it was surfaced it was out for my blood. I saw its true face and it knew it.One wrong word and this thing jumps on me and pins me by my throat. I see the pure hate in his eyes and how bad it wants to rip my throat out. I stare him in the eye and singe him a little to remind him who he's fucking with then I punch him in the face as hard as I can. He lets go and tries to leave. My mom kicks us both out. She dosn't ask if I'm Ok. We leave and I tell him I understand what's happening but fucking deal with it. This sounds crazy but I can see the devision. Plus there's no way I'm letting this out out of my sight. His eyes are uneven. One side shines and the other is black. Ur fucking lucky I tell him. A week or so passes It happened once more. I tell him I think he lied about something. He flashed and has me throat slammed again. This time he lets go and starts swinging wild bitch slaps. My earrings get ripped out and I spit in his face. The good side starts to fight back and his hands turn soft. Fighting the blows as he forces himself to back away. I lay there stunned. The bitchslaps turn to small taps and he curls up and starts to cry. I'm sorry. He's so strong now. I can't control it anymore. Some time goes by and I pull far away to figure this shit out. I leave every night and come home at sun up. I may have gotten drunk and smashed my fone and his face to voice my anger on the issue but I don't really remember. He calls my ex and asked him to keep me safe for the night. Then one day as if his mind is wiped he goes completely nuts. Loony tunes. Taken offline to be rebooted. He collapsed in the street. No one sees for hours. My friends are literally right there. They don't notice. He screams for my help. I was so occupied packing up our camp I didn't check on him. Hours pass as he lay dieing in the road. He lifts his head and drops in into the pavement. Again.... Dropping his full weight onto his face. Again....for that pain. The sharp sting that shocks you awake..enough to stay alive. Don't let it hitch a ride back. That's what it wants. A ticket in.. he had to die long enough to sever it's grasp or force it off this plane... it finally lets go. after that night he changed. he suddenly begings remembering it all. The reason why. his eyes become even and clearer. his face is new. we spend the day floating on a cloud he tells me his new memories. things become good for the first time... but there's still 2 in him. They serve a purpose..to walk in the dark you must possess some darkness. But it bust be outweighed by the light...like a double agent.....On a shittier note my room has been like the set of exorcist today. The smell of bile is making me queezy. I got to have a talk with the other half. I don't no what to think about what he said and no I won't repeat it. Im kinda freaked out tho. He keeps his head down and promised not to ever make eye contact with me.. problem for his own safety.. Why stay with a light/dark with the occasional jumer you ask. It's safer that way...for now. Love your friends and love your enemies more I guess. It's the only way to help them to find the light. Everyone has the potential to go eather way. Some have a higher path and Must not faulter lest they be trapped for another spin on the merry go round. When it all comes down to it your hearts intentions is what counts. That's all it is. I think I'm going insane. I wish it was that easy. Fml..
its not common for the older ones to come here much but it happens when it needs to...IF you for instance are the kind of person who has traits of gender fluidity and embrace that... Your probably a old soul..some people feel trapped in the wrong body.. usually that means you weren't ready to switch from there last choice..
We are here for a reason.. every single one of us has a reason to be alive.. and we're living on a corporal plain..but matter is merely vibrations of molecules..your only solid or seemingly solid because of your vibration...if your in a slump and don't feel good...change your vibration... every one has this untapped potential and it's being squandered and controlled and most people have no frickin clue...are you going to embrace the life you've been given by living it or just be another meat sac.. Thank God for awesome music...one must have a soundtrack to get on that path...
