I walked through the door and slid down the wall with my eyes closed. My whole body hurt, badly. The lights of my living room turned on instantly, making me open my eyes and blinking hard trying to adjust my eyes to the light. My mom walked to me slowly, I felt bad because she looked really hurt. She came closer and kneeled down on her knees, a tear dropped from her eyes slowly as she eloped me in a hug. This was what I wanted all along, I wished for days for her to show me affection, I longed for her love so bad you wouldn't understand... I felt as if I didn't have anyone even though I have 3 sisters, I felt broken, apart, torn, and homeless even. But I refuse to show any signs of weakness to anyone, not even myself.
She pulled away and wiped tears off her face, she looked so sad, I couldn't help but wonder if it was my fault, did I do this to her?
"Listen, We need to talk" She said sniffling
"About what" I said bluntly, trying my best not to show any emotions
"Aaliyah it's 2:16 in the morning, what were you doing. In the streets?" She asked her voice getting higher by each word
"Nothing, Just don't worry about it" I said starting to get up
"Aaliyah, look at your face! Do not lie to me I am your mother!" she yelled at me
"You wanna know what's wrong?" I said kindly, I never ever raise my voice at my mom, "That I don't have a father, nor a mother and it's hard to just figure things out on your own" I said looking down
"What do you mean you don't have a mom?!" She said angrily now
"I do have a mom, but I don't have a mother. Being a mom is just anyone who can have a child and feed them, but a mother is something that not everybody has, a mother isn't just being related by blood, it's really loving a child, having and showing affection and always being there whether it's just a 'little school play' and loving them no matter what they do" I said looking her straight in her eyes, they were watery again, I didn't mean to hurt her.
"Can we talk about this more in the morning, I really just can't do this right now" I said turning away, I couldn't look her in the eyes I felt bad for telling her that, but if I can just remember what Brick said, I'll be fine. 'Never over think the things you do or say, because the more you think about it the worse you feel, numb yourself to the pain, become a Brick, don't just do it' , the words just repeated in my head over and over again starting to sink in. I was feeling less worse, it was working
"Fine, but just promise me that you will be fine" She said turning my head so I can look at her
"Yea momma" I whispered, I knew I was safe. "Goodnight momma" I said
"Goodnight baby girl" She said then kissed my forehead and I watched her go to her room.
I walked up the stairs, went to my room and locked the doors. I went and sat on my bed, I was having flashback of when I was 7 until my phone rang.
"Yeooo" I said on the phone
"Yeo, pull up to the block at 7 tmm" A rough voice said over the phone
"Aii, ima see you later Brick, water" I said
"Aii, water sis" Brick said laughing at the fact I said water, he taught me water is another word for bye, it's old school so... yea
He hung up the phone and I stripped out my clothes. I ran my hand over my legs up and down, they were silky and smooth, they didn't have cuts and bruises. I went to my bathroom and skipped past the mirror, I didn't wanna see myself, I already knew what was there. I turned to the shower and let the water fill up the bathtub before I got in, when the water had filled up around ¾ of the bathtub I got in and put on 'Skrilla by Kodak Black' it was my fave song. I sat in the bathroom trying to become someone else, I'm gonna teach myself to be Ruthless, I was gonna do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.
