How we made Twilight better.
The true story
(Burn it)
List of characters:
The Cullen’s - The Doritos clan
· Edward Cullen – Eduardo Doritos
· Jasper Hale – Casper Gale
· Alice Cullen – Aliss Doritos
· Carlisle Cullen – The Count
· Esme Cullen – Isme Doritos
· Emmet Cullen – Boris Doritos
· Rosalie Cullen – Rosemary Gale
The Wolf Pack – The McVitties clan
· Jacob Black – Jaffa cake Jake
· Chief Billy Black – Chief hob knobs
· Sam Uley – Ginger nuts
· Quil Ateara - Digestives
· Paul – Fruit cake
· Embry Call - Boaster
· Jared – Mini digestives
· Emily – Penguin (Penny)
· Seth – Rich tea
· Lea – Rich tea light
Normal human people (almost)
· Stella Swan – Stellaartois Seagal (Stella)
· Charlie Swan – Sharlie Cheen
· Renee’ – Rennie Peppermint Seagal
· Bill – Billy-o
Classmates
· Angela – Frangelico
· Mike – Malibu
· Eric – Tequila
· Jessica - Burbon
Tyler - Morgans
DISCLAIMER: In no way do we claim to the Twilight series, all credit goes to Stephanie Meyers, this is our INTERPRETATION of the great story it could have been. This is for fun. Vegetarians and those with no sense of humour are not advised to continue. If you have a weak stomach or are easily offended it is not advised to read. This includes adult language, animal sacrifice, lots of black , emo references and general mickey taking. We do not endorse any of the events that take place nor emoism. We like emo’s, all they need is a hug. In fact, go give your neighbourhood emo/goth/freak a hug now. You could even read it together. WARNING: Lyrics contained. NO POV’S! TAKE THAT STEPHANIE MEYER!
Written by partially sober Stacey Jacques and completely hammered Erin Bree.
Dedicated to Stephanie Meyer and Twihards, to try and bring them back to good literature. Special shout out to our proof reader for supplying us with our muse, 10 year old Bicardi. Also, Robert Patterson, if this becomes a film we would love you to be Eduardo! Peace and Bicardi out...or in....or down the hatch, whatever!
YOU ARE READING
The Emo, The Sparkly Vampire and the Biscuit.
Fanfiction"Your skin is... pale white, and ice cold. Your eyes change color... and sometimes you speak like - like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything; you don't go into the sunlight. I know what you are." "Go on, say it." "You're em...
