it is so incredibly difficult to describe panic. the dictionary defines it as
"sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinkable behavior."
it is so much more.
it's like you're paralyzed as your mind takes control and your body loses it.
it's like screaming at the top of your lungs when no one can hear you.
it's like falling apart without being able to do anything.
it is utterly terrifying.
panic attacks are extremely dominant in the u.s., right up there with cancer, i think, but please don't quote me on that.
we put so much effort into finding a cure for cancer that we forget to find a cure for ourselves.
cancer kills your body.
but there is nothing to kill your mind except the thoughts you put there.
"just deal with it." they say.
"it won't kill you." it already has.
"stop crying, it's not that big of a deal." it is.
"what are you thinking? what's worrying you?" everything.
"just focus on one thing." i can't. there's a million and one things to focus on.
"your anxiety is stupid. stop being so stupid." thanks. except i'm not.
i am actually very smart.
"stop thinking so much. it'll kill you." i know, and i would if i could.
you don't know how badly i want to just stop. even for a little while.
