For My Friends

Remember you're never alone. If you are comtemplating on taking your own life, call 1-800-273-8255.

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You called me strong.

But I'm weak.

You called me a survivor.

I guess I have survivor's guilt.

You said I was the pillar of strength.

I see myself as a pillar that has been chipped so many times that it can barely support anything.

You said I was complete.

I see myself incomplete and broken.

My friend, you have no idea how much I've been hurt in the times we've spent. I know you're going to be blaming yourself for not asking if there was anything wrong or not noticing it sooner my depression but that's okay.

I gave you all the support, all the strength I had left. You, my wonderful friend, have so much to live for. Your life may have been hard but just by my support alone you were able to overcome these things. There are things you have hurt me with by I know you don't know how I really feel about you and why I continue helping you.

You cannot be in the nest for long. Soon, you have to fly and go on your own. That's when you no longer need me. That's when I feel my job is finished. That's when my story must come to an end.]

I may seem like a coward and I'm going to hurt more than I can help but it's alright by me. I know I'm selfish and greedy. But it's because I've been deprived for so long of the love and care I needed from others. I guess in the end, the ones who are helpful, the ones who are strong, and the ones who are dangerous are those who have been broken so many times and still find the courage to continue on living.

I guess I've been broken beyond repaired. Don't you agree?

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In 2009 I had been diagnosed with clinical depression because of the events that happened in my childhood that made me witness things a normal child shouldn't. By the end of seventh grade, I almost took my life in the girl's bathroom. At the last minute, I ditched my plans and went on to class.

It was getting better but then my depression came back earlier in the year when I came out to my religious parents as not being heterosexual. It was because of the fact that my father wouldn't really accept it if I decided to marry someone of my gender that caused me to feel like he was disappointed in me and brought back my depression. My suicidal thougths came back as well. I soon overcame it over the summer and now the one person I can really talk to about my feelings is my wonderdul kitten Ishtar.

I wanted to published this note as to show how desperate I was when I was overcomed by my depression, It's not something someone should be made of or to joke about. I cannot stress how important it is for someone to have support in these types of situations.

Again, if you ever feel like taking your own life, tell one of your friends or call 1-800-273-8255. You shouldn't wait. I've learned the hard way that every second counts.