Punishment

Punishments

I studied her quivering form as she laid there with a permanent frown. Her chapped lips were parted as she gasped softly while her hair was matted on her forehead due to the cold sweat that drenched her skin. I wanted to wake her up. I wanted to end this torture but somehow held myself back. I knew that even a whisper of my touch will destroy her in more ways than possible.

The touch of evil, they say.

"I am sorry," I whispered as I hung my head in shame and she continued to sob in her sleep.

Oh, what kind of sleep makes you wish that you were never alive?

As the door to her room banged open, she jolted out of her nightmare, only to be engulfed in the arms of her loving father. He rocked her and caressed her hair while cooing encouragements in her ear. In a matter of minutes, she fell back asleep, clutching the shirt of her father as if her life depended on it. Yet, soft sobs wracked her body rhythmically. Her father looked down at her with a heart-breaking amount of sadness, clearly, his mind was having flashbacks of the night when a misjudgment destroyed their lives forever.

I shook my head to shake my thoughts away as I dared myself to look at my cowardice.

Her favorite dream catcher mocked me. Tarnished copper wires wove an intricate pattern on the hollow of the Orange rim and peacock feathers adorned it with their vibrant shades. She found the slight blackish color of the pattern beautiful while the same reminded me of the sin I committed on her.

I was supposed to burn this dark away but I was too afraid of what I might witness. I didn't want to imagine the blinding lights or the shock of the crash or the screams or the heat of the fire that danced on her skin until it devoured her completely. I just didn't.

But sadly, I was punished to witnessing it all.

It was my misjudgment that snatched a mother's embrace from this child. I wanted to drown my pain in the whisky that day but the same whisky put me into this eternal torture.

I am punished to empty the terrors caught by her dream catcher by pouring them inside me. I am punished to shield her from the devils I created. I am punished to live every moment of her stolen pain.

And it is justified.

After all, I am the reason for this pain in the first place.

~Soumya