Alone in the darkness of the room, she sat and overthinks herself into a world so familiar to her. A world so cold and filled with so much pain, despair, confusion, loneliness, broken pieces, and more. Tears burning her eyes, she thinks why ?
Why must she endure so much pain ? Why isn't there anyone there for her ? Why does everyone have to treat like she isn't shit, isn't worth it, isn't good enough? Why can't she feel good about herself ? Why does she have so many open wounds, so manny scars on the outside and the inside ? Why can't she love herself ? Why can't anyone love her ? Why does it hurt so much to even live ? Why is her heart filled with so much pain, so much hatred with no way to relieve it ? Why is she so alone and feel like everyone is judging her, attacking her, against her ? Why does she feel as though she's against herself ? why ? Why ? WHy ? WHY ? WHY ?!
So many questions running through her head with no answers. The longer she sat there and thought, the more her tears built up and finally began to run down her face. She continued to think..... Thinking why can't she feel the love from her family or anyone at all. Her heart is damaged, hurt, pained, confused, broken. With all these emotions, her heart feels heavy.
The tears are coming down her face faster now. It's becoming to much for her to handle. Thoughts of self harm crossed her mind. Thoughts of cutting herself to direct the pain away from her heart to somewhere else but then that'll make it obvious to others that she's hurting or cause unwanted attention. Her demons are taking control and now she just wants to end it all without hesitation. So retrieving the gun from the safe, she sits it down beside the paper, on the table. Throwing back the last glass of Hennessy, she sparks a blunt and inhales. As she exhales slowly, she picks up the pencil and from there her hand glides across the paper non-stop.
Finishing, she folds it up and puts it in an small envelope and lays a kiss in the middle of it, leaving a stain of her black coated lips on it along with fallen tears. Taking one more pull of the blunt, she puts it out and cocks the gun. As she holds it up to her head, the doorbell rings followed by a knock on the door. A text on her phone popped up....
Love 💕
-Babe are you okay ? I'm outside...
Reading the text, she starts full on bawling. Her heart aching so badd. Knowing something is wrong, he gets the spare key while on the other side of the door, she stands contemplating.
He finally gets the door open but it was to late... Her decision was made. Staring into her eyes, he begs and pleads her not to do it, tears streaming down his face. With her empty, pained, lifeless eyes staring into his, she whispers....
I'm sorry and I love you
Those simple words breaks him completely. Reaching for her as she puts the gun back up.... He was to late and she pulled the trigger...
Bang !....
