The Life of Esther Jameson

Chapter Seventeen

After Jackson's speech, which was no different than mine, guests were welcome to stay for refreshments. The thing with Jackson is that it's easy to avoid him for about ten minutes, but then things get awkward and difficult when he scouts you out and forces you into a conversation. That's what he just did.

"Hey, Snips." He magically appeared beside me at the table set with several different beverages. I stook to getting the lemonade while he poured himself some root beer. I never liked root beer. "You think your brother was happy with my speech?"

I almost choked with relief. "Yeah, I think he did. Luke didn't tell me that you were his ambassador."

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck. "Luke wanted it to be a surprise, I guess. Jenny didn't tell me that you were her ambassador."

"Oh," I saw what he was pointing out. We were in the same predicament. The two of us were trapped in some elaborate scheme set by my siblings. I felt proud of them but not now. "So, how's it going for you this summer?"

"It's great, I love everything." He replied more happily than I would have expected. "I really missed home when I was away. And I missed you and your family. I even missed the way my mom acts when I've done something wrong. There's a lot of stuff that goes on in college that you don't realize. This place is like my escape, if that makes sense."

"I think it does, but I don't know for sure," I shrugged. "I can definitely relate to the part about Miriam, though."

Jackson laughed. "She doesn't exactly keep it a secret."

"Not when you live with her."

"That is also true." Jackson looked at me with his tone a little bit different. "Esther, can I ask you something?"

"Um, sure." I was already regretting my answer.

"Are you happy?"

"Right now?" I shrugged. "Yeah."

"No, I mean about everything else." He laughed to himself. "With life, the guys, with me...with Kade."

"Are we seriously having this conversation?" I tried my best not to raise my voice, or else I would probably terrify the other kids. "i cannot believe you."

"I'm sorry." Jackson's eyes fell and his fingers wrapped tightly around his plastic cup. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes before tossing my cup in the trash. "I'll see you at home."

I needed to leave. I had to get away. I just couldn't be around him right now. Every time we were together, I couldn't help but always feel guilty, and I wouldn't even know what I felt guilty about! He made me angry and sad and frustrated and happy, and... something else. I don't know.

"Wait." Jackson suddenly appeared behind me and wrapped his arms around my torso. "Just wait."

"You know that there are people watching, right?" I sighed heavily and tried to remove myself from his hold. "What is going on with you?"

"I just need to know." He muttered. "If you're not happy...if i'm the one that hurts you, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"You have Serah." I rolled my eyes. He wouldn't budge. "Well, had. Why are you doing this now?"

"Just tell me." His grip tightened. "Do you love Kade?"

"For the love of - " I clenched my teeth as I finally pushed his arms away. I grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the school's front gate. "Yes! Yes, I love him!" I threw my arms in the air. "Are you happy now?"