We Are Born To Survive

Get fast

It started in February, 7th 2016. When I figured out what I had to do with my life after graduated from the university. I was thinking to find good internship to exercise my skills and experience to meet new people who has different background, different religion, different tribe, and different mother language. I went to took a walk to anywhere, ended up get lost and talk with such random people. They are amazing, everyone just told their story to me. I feel like, I was watching somebody's life through their time and memories. I got moral supports and I got wise advices from the old man, from the old woman, from a kid, from a career mother, from a guy who the age is about my peer-group, from a small little boy who looks fancy to see me, from a brave little girl who asked me to draw something for her, from a lovely teacher, from a friend I met randomly at street, from three friendly Chinese, from a friendly Canada man, from a long last pen pal Turkey, from Australian young couples, from Russia's gifted student, and beyond all the different ages.

I feel lucky what has been through my life isn't that hard enough in the end. I was struggling with my emotions like other teenagers, I was struggling with tasks and homework(s) like every students, I was struggling to be fit with people and having unstable good self esteem like those who struggles with depression- long term sadness with no reason. I am looking for something what makes me feel better. I tried to make people smile, I tried to be friendly as possible but they always misinterpretation me as a hypocrite one. I need no something nice as a turn back, because when I see them happy, that means I am achieving my goals to lighten up someone's day. That makes me feeling thankful for the day. The sun rises bright every time I walked by.

I ever experience the worst day of my life, it's like everybody's become strangers. Even my beloved parents- mom is the strict one and I am okay with it. I have a lot of questions popping inside my head what's wrong with me because I am the one who always be blamed, who always be angry at, who always to shout at, who always to be called oh so mean that I can't stand how cruel the words for me. Then slow with the flow, I figured out that there's nothing's wrong with me. After I collected all the opinions what do my friends see me as a person, and from a guy who said that I am naturally fun. Am I?

I told my dad- and told him all my stories what's in my head than what's today been going. I have no problems at school, or at course, or at neighbors, or at street I just walk pass and get lost and ended up listening to people's stories. A lot of sadness they told me, and a happy stories just so rare to be find. I only met a career mother who is so thoughtful, active, and full of positivity as I see in her eyes and smile. She is the one who is different. And I want to be as kind, as friendly, as successful, as smart, as lucky, as wise she is. She is so perfect for human. Or I just judging too fast because I only know her that day. No second chance because we got each other tasks to do- separate between stranger vs stranger.

I feel sorry to my friends that I can't having too much attached emotion between all of us. But secretly I do care with what's going through their day. I see their social media status, I see their photo profile change, I see their stories, anything I can find transparently from social media. They need to be fulfilled. They need to show the world that they are happy as they are. I see another side of fakeness too, I see another side of pretending everything's alright. Then, why wasting time to post on social media? to fulfill their lack of feelings and minds for sure.

I see my journey in life is so wonderful. I experiences so random from day by day, month by month. year by year. I ever thinking so desperate that I want to enough all this. You know? um, murdering self. I know that's mentally unhealthy, but that was years ago. Now I decide that being alive is to Survive. It's human instinct: Born To Survive.

Thank you :)