The map is crinkled and old, torn at the edges and flaking away at the folds. Despite the signs of age, the map is still kept folded haphazardly in the glove compartment, above a damaged cell phone and a book of names with numbers. Right now, it's spread out across the hood of the faded-green car we've recently acquired, sitting atop layers of dirt and first flakes of snow. It's been getting colder as the days go by and the idea of sleeping in the car for another night with no heat flow isn't going to last long. The heater in the car doesn't work right and the air conditioning gives off a sour smell that wafts from the vents. Our bags are always left in the trunk,away from any peering eyes that might be looking in the back seat for anything to steal. Theft isn't the biggest crime these days, but it doesn't help us get anywhere. We try to bundle up and keep as warm as possible, but the lack of blankets and clothing is beginning to bear down on us. We keep blankets and towels stashed in the back seat –anything we can find that might provide extra coverage at night. The trunk holds our secrets, zipped in bags hiding defensive measures,but the backseat has windows and displays the struggle we share. Every night, I give Sean my extra blanket and hope he doesn't put it back on me. Every night, I insist Sean sleeps in the back, lying along the seats so that his back isn't so sore – it's not healthy to sleep in an upright position. Every night, I think about why we're here and what we're doing. We're shoving our lives in a car, burying our burdens and grievances underneath piles of clothes, stuffing anything we find into any bag we have- it's not the best way to live,but we are living- that's more than I can say for a lot of people I've known.
"-do you think, Riley?" A hand waves in front of my face and I blink rapidly, clearing the past from sight, letting it bounce off my lashes just as the flakes of snow fall away. I can feel the frown on my face and I know Sean sees it, too. He gives me a concerned look,but it fades as I shake my head. I don't want him to know what I think about when we're not talking – if I told him, the wrinkles between his eyebrows when they furrow would get worse and the creases would be lined with guilt and sorrow.
"I think we should ditch the map and just go with instincts," I say dryly, "I don't know why you insist on looking at that, Sean. It's not a GPS- it's not gonna tell us which way is the best route. At this point, we may as well just drive and see how far the gas tank gets us."
Sean sighs and I can see the way his eyelids lower just slightly over his troubled hazel eyes, protected only by the smudged lens of his glasses. I don't know how many times we've had to repair his glasses, each time making them look more ridiculous than before.Tape, glue, paperclips, pins- we've tried everything. Now, we just hope for the best and I make sure he's careful with them. His lips pull into a frown and I feel immediately guilty, the knot twisting into my stomach and making itself well known. "Sean, I'm sorry.It's just cold and I'm tired of standing here."
"No, you're right. I guess I just like trying to keep track of where we're going," he responds, lifting his hand to adjust his glasses, "I don't even know where to go next."
"This rest stop has a functioning faucet. We could get some water here and maybe spend the night," I suggest, trying to make up for my bitter attitude. "I know you're not about the snacks, but the vending machines might have something left inside of them. C'mon,Sean, I know you've been craving Cheeto Puffs."
"I don't eat those anymore, thank you very much," Sean grumbles,looking at me over the rim of his glasses. I can't help but smile and he can't help but chuckle in response. We bicker back and forth, but life is about balance- we have that. "Besides," he continues, "We need to plan ahead. If we want to get our strength back, we'll need to find something with sufficient proteins." I watch him tap his index finger on a few different locations circled, though some had large, red X marks on them. I can tell what he's thinking and I don't like it at all. I scowl and let out a rush of air between my clenched teeth. Sean looks at me and he gives me an apologetic look, but nothing is said for a few moments. I know what the obvious answer is and I speak before I feel too afraid to.
