Being awoken from that haunting night terror in a cold sweat. Every night I see those pictures, disturbing flashbacks of that retched night. I try so hard not to think of it but it only makes it more prominent in my subconscious.
I tried to do everything right that night just to please him. Nothing I did met his standards. When did I become dumb, so broken, and no one cared, they see the bruises and hear the arguments. Everything wrong in his life falls on me and I understand why.
Getting up I look at the clock, which reads 4:30, I have enough time to take a shower before school. Turning the faucet on I stand under the constant spray of scalding water, just the way I like it, and I journey to the darker recess of my mind, thinking of my broken moments.
After getting out of the shower I look at myself in the mirror. I’m freakishly tall, lean, with dull blue eyes, and curly dirt blonde hair. My body like a canvas of dark blues and purples with red lines splattered strategically along my arms. They were just faint shadows of the physical pain and the emotions they once helped release and create.
Making sure no one was down stairs I grabbed my bag and ran for the front steps of the school, which happened to be just across the street. School use to be a safe haven for me until the incident last year. Now I walk the school halls in hopes that no one will trip me or even give me a second look. Invisibility would have saved me from so much trouble, to bad I am a weak human.
Going through the front doors and into my first period, which looks unsurprisingly empty because I still had 30 minutes before school started. Sitting in the back of the class at my normal seat, the lone table, where I think Mr. Hotchner put me so I could get away from all the spit balls, paper planes, and anonymous death threats.
Sitting in my desk I reflected to the incident.
It was just like any day back then, I actually had friends, I was a someday. Everyone liked me and I liked everyone. Until Jackson, who used to be my best friend, told everyone the secrets I tried to keep out of the school’s radar. High school like the Amazon waits for a damaged fish, to come along so the piranha can destroy every piece of you.
Teenagers act so cruel, tearing down anyone who appears different. In this case I was different, I was a spot on their wind shields that they needed to remove. Standing no chance against the hoard, once you are out, exiled, never to be let back in.
Jackson and I were once like brothers doing everything together and sleeping over to each other’s houses. We never went anywhere without each other.
Everything changed when my mom died from cancer when I turned 14 years old. My dad changed from the once jolly man, now just a cruel cold shell of his former self. From that point on everything changed.
It started slowly at first, an occasional slap for not doing my chores efficiently in his eyes. Then they morphed into objects thrown at me, until finally he turned to beating me. It turned out my fault if I could have been normal; if I could have just done everything correctly then I would not receive those intense punishments.
This all started when I started high school. Jackson and I never hung out anymore. He only talked to me when we came across each other alone in the Library. He started playing sports and hanging with the “in” crowd.
There I received the label “abnormal”. Being different because I didn’t like talking about girls, nor did I see girls as hot or sexy. In my small town gay people were constantly chastised and assaulted. My mind could not comprehend how they could treat other people so unjustly.
