Make it Stop

"Here, take these and have a rest." My nurse hands me a tiny plastic cup. The dull florescent light in my room reflects off the coating of the two white tablets inside, and I swallow the pills with ease. "They're not real, Bethany." The deep creases between her eyebrows reveals her concern. However, her unease doesn't stop me from reliving last night's encounter in my mind. I remember waking in the middle of the night to a dozen of those hideous creatures encircling my bed. Half of them were so tall their bodies curved into question marks as their necks and backs grazed the ceiling, allowing them to fit into my tiny space. Then without warning, off they'd gone, vanishing through the brick wall, scraping their chipped claws along the tiled floor as they went.

Are they a real threat? Or are they just results of an overactive imagination and a few screws loose in my head?

"Are you sure?" I narrow my eyes, scrutinizing, and openly revealing my doubt. "They're tall, thin, dark and shadowy. Limbs so long their claws leave deep grooves in the tile floors as they walk. I smell them before I see them, you know. Like burnt sugar. They seep through walls like smoke through—"

"Stop." My nurse gasps. She glares, but her bottom lip trembles as she stands. "Enough with the nonsense already." And just like that, she's out the door. The handle rattles as she fumbles with the key to lock it. It may not have been my first sit-down with Nurse Jane, but it is the first time she showed anger.

Or was that fear?

Alone in the windowless room, I contemplate my reality once again. What if everyone is right and those disturbing, grotesque creatures are part of my imagination? If the monsters disappear after taking the pills then they must be something my mind conjures up. The medicine had always kept those creatures at bay, which is why I never give Nurse Jane hell about taking them.

I appreciate the nurses and their help and advice, even if at times their guidance seems to contradict my own thoughts or beliefs. Still, I know they are looking out for me and my well-being. Looking out for me is a burden my family could no longer handle. So Nurse Jane and the others have a special spot in my heart for all they've done and continue to do.

However, what if they are wrong? What if what I'm seeing aren't visions but are real? Lately, my mind's been teetering on the answer. Are they right? Are they wrong?

There were many times throughout my life, especially my teenage years, where I questioned my beliefs in comparison to my nightmarish hallucinations. There were so many times where I'd wake up to a wet bed in fright, and had to fight the same urge during the day. Living in such crippling fear was mental and emotional torture I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thanks to the medicine, I had years of living a normal, stress-free life, even if it was in a psychiatric ward.

I never complained.

Not once.

A stir outside my door demands my attention. I press my ear to the thick metal to hear the whispers of Nurse Jane and Sarah, her ward assistant.