various oneshots

untitled (joshler, tiny amount of ryden)

word count: 896

trigger warning: horrible writing, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide, mentions of drugs (really tiny), mentions of abuse (once again, really tiny), death

"why... why, josh? why would you do this?" tyler barely managed to croak out, sobbing and shaking.

"i'm really sorry, tyler, but i have to do this. forgive me, please..." josh whispered, right before he plunged the knife all the way through his boyfriend of three years.

when josh pulled the knife out, tyler dropped to the ground, blood steadily flowing out of either side of him. his body twitched a few times as he gasped for breath, then stilled. his breathing stopped completely as the light faded from his eyes. tyler was dead, and it was all because of josh.

----------

"hey, josh?"

"yeah?"

"i love you."

"i love you too... is something wrong?"

"huh?"

"you've never been this affectionate before. what's wrong?"

"well... i suppose i feel as if something bad is about to happen, and i want to spend as much time as i can with you."

"oh."

----------

"who are you?"

"...what?"

"who are you?"

"come on, josh, quit joking around!"

"who's josh?"

"..."

----------

josh sat it the bathtub, thinking. not about anything in particular, of course  except for maybe tyler.

he shook as the memory replayed through his mind. even though it had happened months ago, the memory of the life flowing out of tyler was still vivid in josh's mind. he would never forget it, and it would forever haunt him.

still shaking, he slowly looked down at the water he was sitting in, seeing everything in a blurry haze.

i could do it... he thought. i could end it all.

----------

"josh, please calm down-"

"don't call me josh! that's not my name anymore! that belongs to my past self, your boyfriend. not me."

"...i-i'm sorry..."

"just... don't call me that. ever."

----------

"so... the memories might be coming back?"

"sorta, i guess. i mean, i get flashbacks. distorted dreams. and they all seem to center around you."

"oh."

"thing is... i don't want to be my past self."

"...what?"

----------

tyler felt as if he was floating in oil. he could feel the murky, dark liquid, but yet he couldn't. it seemed not to touch him, keeping him completely dry. for some reason, however, he couldn't breathe. when he tried, the liquid choked him.

the only thing he could see was a faint outline of a person. despite the fact that it was incredibly hard to see, he knew who it was. he watched as josh stood up after crouching down to his level, still crying. he watched as he walked away, forever.

----------

two months later

----------

"i remember my dad used to tell me stories about someone he knew when he was younger. his name was josh. he had a boyfriend named tyler. my dad said that josh was involved in some really dangerous stuff, and tyler always used to worry about him. however, everything was fine until one day.

"josh had gotten hit really hard, and somehow he lost his memory all of a sudden. of course, not knowing tyler, he started to rely on anything but him. he refused to be called josh, yet never had any other name to go by. he had random fits of anger as well.

"it got even worse as the memories came back. josh would fight against them, and would hit tyler out of anger. he started to use drugs a lot, and joined a gang.

"however, one day, his memories eventually came back. but it was too late. at this time, his gang wanted to make sure he was forever in and had no distractions. so, they had told josh to kill tyler.

"now, obviously, tyler is dead now. and here i am, talking at josh's funeral for my mute dad. josh died by committing suicide. it was quite a harmless and clean way to go, drowning in his bathtub.

"i never personally knew josh. i never got to meet him. however, from what i learned from my dad, i would've liked him. he was always nice. however, like my other dad, he just got involved with the wrong stuff and ended up dead."

jordan paused to take a breath and look up at his dad again. he noticed as soon as he had mentioned brendon, ryan's eyes had started to water, and now he was full-on crying. after waiting a few more moments, jordan continued to talk.

"for those of you who are involved with this kind of stuff, stop. get out, please. if not for you, for your friends. your family. this stuff.... it destroys people from the inside out. i witnessed this with my dad, and now i hear about this. i may only be seventeen, but just listen. please, don't force anyone else to go through this..."

to his own surprise, jordan was shaking. he looked around the room until he finally managed to calm down. damn, he thought. never knew you could get this worked up about something, now did you, jordan? he then decided that he should end his speech before he got too out of hand, and stepped off the platform.

however, while walking back to his seat next to his dad, jordan spotted a man leaning against a tree outside the window. his purple hair was messy and curly, and he was smoking a cigarette. when he made eye contact with jordan, he dipped his head as if to say 'thank you', and walked off.