Amateur - A Jon Cozart fic

Chapter 30 - Sad

'Hey. Bad timing, but McCartan's just given me the heads up. 

Thought I'd let you know before I tweeted it out when I get back'

Sent 7:12pm

'Okay. Thanks, I guess.'

Received 7:18pm

'Have a safe flight back'

Sent 7:19pm

'Thanks.'

Sent 7:27pm

Well, that's cold. Oh, shit. I should probably text Elise, despite the fact that she's currently at a meeting with the company she works at right now. She'll probably want to skype later about it.

'Hey. Jon and I broke up. You've probably seen the tweet by now, but, yeah. Shitty day.'

Sent 7:34pm

With a deep breath, I lower my head down to look at my phone. It's time. I don't want to procrastinate further on this. I unlock it, and begin typing into my notes.

'Ryan was broken up with by his fiancee in a shared uber home. I spent the night at his to make sure he was okay, because nobody else knew. We just hugged. Nothing happened. The pressure that the media, and that our followers, have put on Jon and myself has proven to be too much for us to withstand in a relationship for now. Much love still remains between us, but I ask you to be respectful, as this is painful. I'll be taking a breather from social media for a while, but I will still be uploading, just perhaps less. Nobody cheated, we were only trying to do right by each other. Thank you to each and every one of you that has supported me on this journey to broadway, and I hope that you continue on with me. For now, see you later, catch you on the flip side, or perhaps in four and a half months, on opening night.

- Carm'

I screenshot the note, upload them to twitter, and post them. The first notification that pops up after doing so happens to be Jon retweeting it, and from there, so many replies keep flooding in, and as I'm reading them, I feel like I should be crying over my loss. But I'm numb. I'm empty to it for now, and I don't know whether or not that's because I've emptied everything I could potentially be feeling right now onto playing Veronica, or maybe I'm just a heartless person.

'@CaramelAllen oh my god, it was us that did this to you - i'm so sorry.' 

'@CaramelAllen @JonCozart i was rooting for you two, i'm sorry this had to happen. love to you both in this hard time.'

'@CaramelAllen This is exactly why i was telling the fandom to stop leaping to assumptions. It was our own fault, and I can't express how sad I am for you. <3'

They're apologizing, but at this point, nobody's apology can make this better. We just weren't going to be able to function much longer. Don't get me wrong. I love him. Oh, I love him so much. To me, right now, it's love or numbness, and I don't wish to wallow in the love I have no more. So instead, I feel nothing, and I'll keep doing that for the next 48 hours, because there is no rehearsal tomorrow. I crawl beneath the blankets, no one to talk to, nobody to share my pain with, and I fall into the void we know as sleep, replaying the last time I saw his face in person. And unfortunately, that memory contains tears forming in his eyes, and now I'll live with the pain that I'm the one who caused them.

*24 Hours Later*

I wake to sounds coming from my kitchen, and due to my brand new habit of sleeping, waking up, reading for ten minutes, and sleeping again to avoid my own inevitable emotion, my inital thought is: 'Oh, it's Jon, trying to cook', but once again harsh reality sets in, and I realise that if it's not him, there's probably an intruder in my apartment. Shit. I spring out of bed, and grab the most dangerous looking thing in the room, otherwise known as my lamp, and since I always think the worst in these situations, prepare to fight off a serial killer with a lamp. I slink out through the doorway of my room and in through to the kitchen to find Elise, in the kitchen, making pancakes.

'Oh, you're awake. I made you some pancakes-' She stops midsentence as she sees me in the doorway holding a lamp above my head ready to fight someone.

'Um, sorry. I thought there was a burglar or something, I didn't know you were here., I uh -' I gently place the lamp back down on the floor before running into her for a hug.

'Thank you, Elise.' I'm met with a reciprocated hug, and she responds:

'No biggie. You took care of me when I was in the depths of sadness, now it's time for me to take care of you. Now, do you want maple syrup, or raspberry jam?' One of the things I love most about Elise, is that she's always there for me, and never fails to supply me with delicious food in times of need. For a brief second, I almost forget about what's going on in my love and performance life.

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THIS IS THE WORST CHAPTER I'VE WRITTEN YET SORRY

Chapter of Intertwined went up yesterday! Since I appear to be very productive, I'll see if I can get another one out soon, go check it out! 

Thank you my lovelies for reading - at this rate, there's 6 more chapters left! Get hype for the end!

Throw me a vote if you think i deserve it!

Thank you for reading!

~Ellen Cozartist