Monday, January 1 Bedtime
I am starting this experiment because I have no choice. We'll, I have no choice unless you consider being a lifelong boyfriendless social outcast destined to die alone a choice. Which it isn't. To be honest with you, I probably would have acted sooner if I'd known how truly desperate my situation was. Which I didn't
I was really in the dark about it. As dark as closet I went into Joe Hunter last night after he spun the bottle and it pointed at me.
Joe Hunter is a total dweeb. I've known him since kindergarten. I've grown up a lot since then. Joe hasn't. So I wasn't exactly hoping that I would end up in the closet with Joe on New Year's Eve, but I guess I was little excited that I might finally find out what it feels like to be kissed. But no. As soon as he shut the door behind us, he took my hand and his. Then he shook it. That's all.
I'm not exactly glamorous, but it seems like Joe Hunter would jump at the chance to kiss anything with lips. I'm kind of outraged to tell the truth, that's he thought he was too good to kiss me. ( Sometimes you have to be outraged to keep from getting hurt.) I mean, what a girl walks away from a game of spin the bottle with a handshake??? A handshake!!!
Even Parker, my slightly plump, slightly spacey BFF finally got a experience lip to lip contact when She went into the closet with Jack Warr, whose parents have apparently lost their senses of smell. If they hadn't they'd have invested a few bucks in sticks of deodorant waaaaay back in sixth grade. Seriously
But Parker's, who was completely thrilled by the experience, said his BO didn't bother her because you don't breathe all that much when kissing anyways. Right. Now she's an expert.
Being jealous of Parker and her one-minute kiss with someone who smells worse then my dad's genuine lamb's wool slippers (which at this point have both the appearance and aroma of road kill) is a new low for me.
When I came home after that disaster of a party, it hit me like a broom handle whacking a piñata: I've never had a boyfriend-- not even that holding-hands variety---- and practically everyone else has. And it probably wasn't the healthiest thing to do for my self -esteem, but I made a list. Then created a chart. I didn't like the way they turned out at all
Girls in my class
Yes. No
1. Anna ❌
2. Gina. ❌
3. Parker ❌
4. Clara ❌
5. Jane ❌
6. Sophie. ❌
7. Star. ❌
8. Scarlett ❌
9. Blaire ❌
10. Davina ❌
11. Emma ❌
12. Emily (me) ❌
And there's 93% that had boyfriends and there's 7% that haven't had one and I'm one of them
I know that making lists and charts is kinda geeky, but I faced the fact that I am kinda geeky a long time ago. How could I avoid coming to that conclusion when every adult in my life keeps telling me I'm smart, nice, artistic??? Smart, nice, artistic girls recognize these compliments as things adults can say when they can't say you're pretty, graceful, or cute--- and they're too polite to say the opposite. Unfortunately, when you're fourteen, being smart is small consolation for being the ONLY girl in your class who's never had a boyfriend.
To make matters worse, I'm also the only person in my ENTIRE family who has never been kissed.
~Emily
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