Ariel's tragic death

The only part

Mommy hurry up sissy just fell to the ground. Is all i could hear. It was like it was on repeat in my mind. I lay in my bed wondering what was going on. I usually never got told what was going on but now i understand. I was only 12 my sister Ariel was only 15 when it happened. I was in my room reading a book and thinking about the wonderful things in life and all i heard was glass shattering. I ran to the bathroom to see that my sister has cut herself with the glass from the mirror. There was blood everywhere but she was still standing, i screamed and yelled for mom but it was too late. She collapsed onto the floor within seconds she was gone. This all happened 5 years ago but i remember it like it was yesterday. Her death put a hole in our family. We don't eat together anymore, we don't laugh as much anymore. Ariel was the one that kept this family together but without her we were falling apart. I cried myself to sleep every night wishing i would have got in there sooner. She wasn't only my sister but she was my best friend. I love her so much. She thought no one cared but five years later here we all are still crying. We barely have any strength to continue without her. She was the most loving/caring person ever. She was smart and was very creative. On this day i still don't understand why she did this or why anyone ever gave her a hard time.
I went into Ariel's room for the first time in a long time when my parents were gone hoping to find a clue on why she did it. I found her laptop and opened it up to find this site she wasn't supposed to ever go one. It was on some comments on her photo she posted. The comments i got to read were harsh. I heard the front door open hurried up and shut the laptop and then ran out of the room shutting the door quietly. My mom and dad never wanted anyone to go in her room when she left this world because they wanted to leave it the way it was when she passed. I would have gotten in so much trouble if i would have gotten caught was all i could think. All of the comments i read kept playing in my mind. It would not go away. I need to tell my mom and dad about what i read. Those girls and guys need to be punished for all of the stuff they said about Ariel. The problem with me telling them though is that i could get in so much trouble for going in her room. Maybe just maybe i should try and handle this by myself. These people are older than me though i'm only 15 and they are 20. I need to tell my mom and dad. I need to stop being selfish and tell them, I don't care about how much trouble i get in for going into her room. They need to know and those guys and girls need to pay for this. Ariel i know you can see me up there can you please forgive me someday for going into your room and finding out why you did what you did.
I can't keep my head straight now. I have so many thoughts going through my head. Why did she do it over this? Why didn't she come to me, mom, or dad? I hated that she was gone all because of some irrelevant people that don't know what they are talking about. If i could go back in time and stop those people from saying all of that i would. Or even if i could go back and make it to the bathroom before she cut herself i would. She was my everything i loved her more than anything and i would have always been there for her. If only she knew this. I sit up and cry at night without my parents knowing blaming myself for not knowing all of this. Blaming myself for not getting to her fast enough. I lay in my bed and silent cry to myself asking god why i didn't know this or why i didn't get there fast enough. I hate this. I hate them. I hate how she is gone. Why was it her? It should have been me. She was cute, funny, and smart. She had a bright future ahead of her. Me on the other hand i'm not funny i'm somewhat pretty but not as much as she was and i'm not smart at all. It should have been me instead of her was all i could think.
It's been six years since this tragic time in our life. We finally started eating real food together again. We started laughing more often. Mom and dad were back at their jobs, but there is one thing missing to make this family whole again and that's you.Sissy please come back. I can't believe you're really gone. I thought this was a dream and i could wake up from this but i guess it was real all along. I really thought i was asleep because i never would have thought that this would be true. I never would have thought that my intelligent beautiful sister would ever kill herself. I wish she would come back alive. I wish she wouldn't have done it. I wish our lives would go back to normal but without her it just wasn't the same. She lit up the morning and night sky with her kindness. She made the day warm with her smile. Her smile and laugh was so gentle and soft, but now that she is gone when i think about her smile or laugh they seem completely dead to me. I miss everything about her. She thought her death would be nothing but if she looks down at all of us she will see how much pain it caused. The students that new her are all failing now. Teachers can barely teach they miss her so dearly. But where the most pain comes from is her family. She didn't think to come to us and talk. She thought she was alone. She didn't think anyone could help her face her problems. I hope she is happy up there in heaven even if it's causing us pain.
Ariel's death is still heartbreaking. Even though it's been eight years since it happened. She will never be forgotten the world will always remember her even though she never became the artist she wanted to be. I wish Ariel could have grown up and gotten a husband then have a beautiful child. But most of all i wish she was here to be in my wedding today. Well atleast i know she is up there watching over my shoulder and watching the wedding. I still sit up and cry every night over her death but now i have someone to comfort me. I hope that every step i take in life you are always there beside me telling me if i'm doing something wrong. I still blame myself for your death, but so do those kids calling you names and etc. The main one that was bullying you found out yesterday you killed yourself. She cut herself but her parents found out and got her into counseling . The girl down the block found out two hours ago and blamed herself so much she killed herself. The guys can't even look at themselves in the mirror without feeling disgusted. People do/ did care about you. I wish you would have realized that.
Ariel please come back. I'm dieing and i need you by my side. I need you to be there for me. I'm at stage 4 cancer. I'm not going to be alive much longer. I hope you went to heaven. I'll see you sometime soon. I love you and i forgive you for what you did. I forgive you for not talking to anyone about it. Just please come back to life i want you to be by my side when i pass. It's been forever since you went away, but the memory of what happened seems like it was just yesterday. I hope you are up there begging jesus to keep me alive. I've been praying for myself to stick around longer because i have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful husband. I don't think i'll make it without you by my side. I'm in chemo. I heard mom and dad talking in the hallway next to my room. I can't hear exactly what they are saying but there is crying. I think this is it. I think my life is over. A month later i'm still alive. All of the crying i heard wasn't sad tears but they were happy tears. My mom came in the room and said "a month earlier the doctor told your father and I that you were going to live, but now they think it's getting worse." Tears start to fill the room just as my dad comes in. There's an awkward silence in the room. My dad then looks at me and bursts into tears. He collapsed to the floor screaming out asking god why. Asking why it is me that this is happening to. Why does this stuff have to happen to anyone. It's not fair, beautiful children and adults passing because of cancer just isn't fair. This cancer thing is getting on my last nerves. I hate being stuck in a hospital. I hate having to see mom and dad and the rest of the family cry because i'm laying down in a hospital bed. They all know i'm going to die soon. They have no hope in me being able to survive, but at least i have hope and that's all that matters. One day i'm going to get out of this hospital and prove all of you guys wrong. I will live. I will survive. My life will go back to normal. Or will it go back to normal? You are still gone so it won't be back to completely normal but it will go back to being as normal as it can get without you being here.
I 've been in this hospital bed for over 8 months. I'm still alive and that's all that matters. Not really all that matters is that i still have hope in this world. I still have hope that these doctors and nurses will make me better. I still have hope. I still have hope. I still have hope. My parents came in the room and asked how i was doing. I said "i feel awesome, because i have hope that i'm going to live." They looked at me like i was crazy then started smiling and said "well if you have hope so do we." I love seeing my parents happy. It always makes me happy. Even in this condition i am in i always put a smile on my face to tell mom and dad that i will be okay. I will always be okay even when i'm not okay.
I think this is it. I see a light. Should i walk towards it or away from it. I was told never to walk towards the light, that is life telling you this is it. This is the end. My last few breaths are coming soon. I might as well walk towards the light. Mom and dad went to get food so they weren't there. They weren't there to see my final breath. They weren't there to hear my last words. The monitor makes a loud beeping noise that was it. I now lay in the ground. Ariel i will see you soon.