Touched

........

TRIGGER- ACCOUNTS OF RAPE, AND DEPRESSION.

We've been dating for a month now, Cara
Cara it only makes sense to do it now, it's the only way to move us forward
Cara, I told you the cuts are from my cat I'm fine
Cara just take it! CARA STOP SCREAMING.

"NO!" I scream, jerking awake. F*ck. I cover my mouth to keep other screams from escaping, so I don't wake up my parents. It happened last week, January 6th, Friday night, 9:07 pm, his house, up against the ugly peach and blue living room wall that I used to always tell him looked shitty and that he needed to repaint.
It's been exactly a week, and now it's January 13th, 3 am. I. Can't. Stop. Thinking. About. It.
It's driving me crazy! I can't do this I can't let him consume me like that, I can't be afraid to say it!

He raped me

But the thing is I am afraid to say it, aren't I? I can think it. I know it. It's in my brain, yet I can't seem to push the words out of my mouth.
Why not? , I ask myself, Why the F*CK CAN YOU NOT SAY IT?!
I don't know
I really have no idea.
Maybe I should just forget it
Block him so his thousands of phone calls and texts will stop.
Do the same on all social media.
Finish high school early... somehow
Move out. To a far away state.
For now I'll change all my transport routes.
Oh what am I saying? That's insane. I can't allow myself to do that. There has to be something else. I know I can figure something else out.

What I didn't know, is that an unexpected solution would come knocking at my door that
next day.
***********
I sit in the shower and breathe. It's calming, inhaling the vapors of the hot shower and just existing without a care. I can think of nothing and still be alert, I can forget about last Friday as everything momentarily washes away with the water. It's nice, but eventually I have to leave it. I climb out and get into a I new pair of pajamas. I'm not feeling jeans today and besides, it's the weekend. Someone knocks on the door .
ughhhh talking to peopleeee
I go and look through the peep hole

It's him. Clark. My... little terror you now know.
That actual piece of sh*t has the nerve.
But something is blinking behind him. Red and blue lights. I hesitate, before opening the door.
"Yes?" I choke out, looking him straight in his green eyes
I realize the blinking behind him was a police car. A police man, with a name tag that says 'Jeff' appears from behind Clark.
"Are you Mrs. Richards?" 'Jeff' asks
"I am." I reply
"Do you have a guardian present?"
"I do." I call my mom from her room and she comes to the door in her nightgown
"Um hello?" She asks, confused
"Ma'am," Jeff begins, "This man, Clark Young, is asking that Mrs. Richards, your daughter, press charges against him for rape. He claims he has committed this crime and it's only right for him to be put on trial."  
Boom
All of the air is sucked out of me.
He turned himself in
He turned himself in
"It's true... I.. I... I raped her." Clark says looking at me with such sadness
How... how can he say it and I can't?
"Is this true ma'am?" Jeff says. Everyone looks at me. I have to say it. Now
"It is." I whisper, "He... I can't...." a tear drops down
"Ma'am?" Jeff asks
"He..." I start, "He touched me"
Everyone looks a bit confused, and concerned. But I know just what I said. And it's what I could muster.
He touched me.