Before I loved her,
I was like any other teen;
Depressed, lonely, misunderstood, stressed, and hopeless
I wasn't fully awake
But her smile was like an air horn, or a bucket of cold water
Waking me, taking away my breath, then making me breathe a little harder, A little faster.
When I loved her
It was like rock music; the public hated it.
the homophobes would scream, but asking Alexandria screamed louder.
There was so much screaming, whether it was me screaming of joy, my mother, or a rock band shouting all their fuck ups to the world.
I was so proud of loving her, I screamed it to all two of my fiends and my dog, and like my dog, no one cared
But I cared, I cared so much. We talked all the time, I jumped with every notification.
I know it's typical, the girl likes someone out of their league, tells them and gets rejected.
It hurt. Like plucking your eyes lashes. Why would I pluck my eyes lashes? Idk
But it always makes sense at the time. Maybe there was a metaphor of some sort.
But I remember screaming. There was silence in my room, but inside, it's like all the demons were hatching, Screeching, Crawling their way to my mind
I could barely hear at this point, Like walking out of hot topic...the world never looked so bright, yet so kinky, and black.
But her voice muted the world.
Her eyes such a simple brown, spoke to me.
They said, "don't waste your time by loving me"
Soon enough her mouth said that too
Usually, People write about the pain that comes after the heart break
But what about right before the heart break?
The pain knowing you'll be hurt is greater than after you are
Loving you made my heart race
And oh how it raced
Trying to make it to the finish line
But what would i win?
What would I have been racing for?
As my heart tore
And the race was lost,
I lost myself with it
We were never lovers
But it all
quickly turned into a crime scene
Words scarred
anger burned
Frustration swirling
We were storms, not of infatuation,
Not of kindness, no longer silent,
But of hatred
A mixture towards ourselves and another
It all
Quickly turned into a crime scene
I'm not the victim
Nor am I a killer because
our love never existed
Truth being spit
Tears rained on the concrete
Darkness blended with the blood
Spilled from our veins
It all
Quickly turned into a crime scene
Our hearts never met,
My love poems never did anything
Your guilt never did anything
It all
Evolved to the next morning
Regret poured into your coffee
My pillow wet from tears
In time, she made a new batch of coffee
In time, her scars didn't hurt from the hot water
In time, she learned to forget me
But I,
I Still love her
She's still my favorite poem,
She's still that dream I never woke up from
She's still runs in my veins,
Her image etched in my brain
Her name scarring me
I wish I could just forget
But how can I Forget, when she's the one who makes me feel
Like dancing at seven in the morning
Now I have to force myself to shower,
I feel like those depressed fat rats that scientists give heroin to
She's my drug, and I'm addicted, still trying to feel high again
Because being low gets boring
But there is no rehab I can go to
There's no medication I can take
Trying to not love her was like
Trying to dry a river
They say the heart heals in time, but
She took that when she left
And when I first loved her, My heart had a reason to beat
But now it beats, to die, and I wait for time to take its course,
To end this curse, but I'm not alone anymore
There isn't a silence anymore
Because I still have a memory
And as long as I do, I'll be thinking of her
(J.d.)
