Blue fading into pink, fading into orange, fading into an infinite resting beauty. Soothing violins accompanied by the low hum of cellos, playing the night away in a soothing diminuendo. The colors mix and fade until the blues and pinks are exchanged for a black abyss, filled with spotlight stars that brighten the night and chase away the fears of oblivion. As the scene calms and sets, my fears can not seem to do the same. As my feet make rushing contact with the cold pavement, I can't shake the fear of death off my shoulder. He's following me, I know he is. He's coming for me, to exploit me. He's learned my secrets and now he's coming. My lungs are filling with toxic air and can't seem to work, my legs feeling as if they are being stabbed. My vision is blurry and I'm slowing. No, he's going to catch me. He can't, I can't let him. He reaches me and catches me in a deadly grip, where I fall to the ground and everything is black. Where my lungs stop my heart, and the violins and cellos and finished with a fading legato bow.
I woke up screaming and shaking. The room was dark and my lungs were screaming for air, while my eyes were faucets that wouldn't shut off. It was a time I was glad my mum was on a business trip, or she would have to see me like this. It would kill her. I sat there a moment, holding my head and praying the images away. It was always the same nightmare, over and over. I finally worked up enough strength to turn on the light, blinding me for a minute. I walked on shaking legs to the bathroom, where I stared at myself. Tearstained cheeks, red eyes, just like every other night. It just wouldn't stop.
Unable to shake the images and fear from my mind, and it only being three in the morning, I sat awake until the blues and pinks were back in the sky, and it was time to face my worst fear- high school. Senior year. This was my last year to try and get everything right before I was thrown into the real world. It was last year to shake off my crippling anxiety and sat everything straight- including myself. My mother blamed me being gay on my anxiety- said it triggered some kind of chemical imbalance in my brain. I knew it wasn't that, but I didn't argue- it would only make it worse.
I got up, on legs that were a bit more stable, to get ready. After showering, I had to find what to wear. After two years of finally dressing how I like to, I still always seem to be painstakingly nervous about what people will think of me when they see me dressed in pastel sweaters. Sure my mum hated the idea, but she managed to overlook it because I'm "mentally ill, and whatever will help to get rid of that goddamn mental disease will have to be tolerable." Sighing, I put on my favourite light blue sweater, my skinniest, and most flattering, black skinny jeans, and my all black converse. I hadn't noticed my hands were shaking until I went to get my phone. I could never get through the first day of school without my anxiety crushing any hopes I had of making the year better.
"I picked up my phone to see my friend Sandy would be here in five minutes. I skipped breakfast, my stomach churning too much to be able to keep anything down, and grabbed my bag to wait outside.
"Hey, sexy, you got any plans?" I hung my head and stifled a laugh as Sandy shouted out her window at me. "Care to join me for a ride? Or is your hot ass taken?" I heard her laugh loud and couldn't help but do the same.
"Cassandra James if you don't stop I will walk to school," I said, only to realize that probably wasn't the best threat. Sandy's name was also Cassandra, but she hated it, so I called her Sandy.
"Hey, that's fine by me. It only means that I won't have you singing Whitney Houston, and you will be late on the first day of our senior year." She held a crooked smile as, without a word, I picked myself off the curb and got into her car. We drove for a minute, with Whitney Houston's I Have Nothing played, before I spoke.
"You know, you always manage to make the hard times tolerable enough," I muttered, wondering if she aven heard.
"Hey, that's what I'm here for. Did you have trouble this morning?" Sandy knew all about my problems, and she knew me better than anyone.
"A little," I admitted.
"Take your meds?" she's always looking out for me.
"Always do."
"Good," she said with a smile. It was like one a caring nurse would give you, one where she meant it.
"Now, off of that note," Sandy was the only person I let joke around with anxiety, because I knew it was only to lighten the mood and that she still cared. Before I knew it, she was screeching the words along to Whitney Houston, almost hitting every note. I laughed and joined in with her, not even close to being in tune, before we both had to stop, due to not being able to breath from our vicious laughing.
Hey! So this is the first chapter of my new story, yay! TBH I wasn't really sure about the title, like I'm awful with titles, so honestly if you ever have a new title idea or something FEEL FREE to tell me, and I'll probably just change it ;) Anyway, if you need something calm or relaxing, I've been thinking about posting a thing with just calm scenery pictures and descriptions, along with tips to help with anxiety. I have anxiety myself, so I thought I could help out by sharing my own tricks. ANYWAY, I'm sorry to bore you. I really hope you are doing well, I hope you're okay. Just know, it'll all be okay in the end. And to finish of the quote, if it's not okay, it's not the end. If you ever wanna talk, or just need someone to listen, I'm always open. Anywho, thank you and goodbye! ^-^
YOU ARE READING
The Game of Life {Completed}
FanfictionHe's coming for me, to exploit me. He's learned my secrets and now he's coming. My lungs are filling with toxic air and can't seem to work, my legs feeling as if they are being stabbed. My vision is blurry and I'm slowing. No, he's going to catch me...
