I Care

I do not own Death Note.

Matt pov

You've finally recovered from the explosion that scarred half your body. You'll never have any idea how happy I am that you let me stay with you. I missed you so much. I'm glad you're still the chocolate loving smart ass that I meet all those years ago.

You think I get annoyed when you yell at me to get you damm chocolate but really it doesn't bother me at all. I love it when you yell at me to stop smoking, it shows that at the very least you care about me if only a little.

It's only been a few weeks since you went to meet Near. You've been going over all the information as if you haven't memorised it, but I suppose I find that cute as well. The way you can glare at the screen as if it committed a huge crime. The way your blond hair frames your face reaching below your chin and only a little above your shoulders. The way you stubbornly refuse to wear anything that isn't black, its adorable. How when on the rare occasion I stand up straight your only just shorter. When you first realised that you didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Now every time I bring up our height difference you glare at me and then proceed to ignore me.

I love how your eyes are always cold and angry, you always thought I would leave because of how cold they are but honestly there the reason I came to you in the first place. If I do something stupid you say exactly that, how many people do you know that will always tell the truth to you? Hell, even Near has lied to me before. Then again, he lies a lot now that I think about it. He lied to you, but he really looks up to you.

Remember the night you left. You shouted at me that you were leaving, that L was dead and that you weren't going to let someone stop you. I told you that I wouldn't stop you but I would help you if you ever needed me. I told you that I would keep the phone that you brought me so that if we were ever separated he'd have a way to find me and I would come for him all he had to do was call. I think I shocked you when I said that you didn't say anything just stare at me. so then I helped you pack. I gave you a pair of my old goggles so that you wouldn't forget me. It was the first time I saw your eyes warm if only slightly and so for the next half hour we packed what you thought you'd need talking quietly, as though we'd never meet again. If you hadn't of called, I would have found you. I knew I would.

The day you called me is easily the happiest and the most heart breaking hour of my life. I got to where you were, though you were about an hour and a half away. Or maybe it was two. I have no idea anymore. All I was thinking was that if I was too slow you would be dead.

I watched how you would zone out for minutes sometimes hours, with me playing one of my hand held games on the other side of the room. It surprised me, when you said that quiet "will you help me on the Kira case?". That was all I needed to hear. You wanted my help, you wanted me to stay. I was so happy even if I didn't look like it. My game character even fell off a cliff. I'm pretty sure you took it as a no, you looked so disappointed saying that I didn't have to if I didn't want to. I quickly fixed that. I'm pretty sure I surprised you with how quickly I said that I would help you in any way I could. "Why'd it takes you so long to answer then dumbass?" was your reply. I loved the slight blush on your cheek when I told that I had been surprised that you asked and that I was worried that you'd be angry when I was going to tell you that I was staying by your side. I'm still very happy that you've let me stay with you. Even if you yell a lot...

I hate how I act like I don't care all that much. I wish I didn't have to bring my hand held games with me whenever your around so that you don't see that I'm looking at you most of the time. Sometimes though I wish that you see that you're the one I'm looking at. That way you'll force me to tell you, but in the end I always decide against it. I wish you didn't have to look strong all the time. I'm here, you can always come to me, but if I say that I'll sound like I care too much.

I worry a lot more than you think, how you force yourself to stay awake, how you always have a gun on you and how you always forget to eat anything but your chocolate when you're working on something. I worry a lot but I always make sure you get at least some sleep every day as much as you say that it makes me annoying. I always make you less jumpy by making everything I can think of more calming for you, of course this doesn't work that well. I always make sure you eat things during the day and at least one good meal.

Sitting here, just staring at you makes me realise how much I really love you ever since we were children even if I only loved you like the best friend you are, or maybe as a brother. One day I really hope that I'll be able to tell you just that, Mello... no, Mihael Keehl.