Youth and Death (A BillDip short story)

Regrets

Bill's POV

I pick up Dipper's now forgotten journal that he fascinated about so much. I look through it until I reach my page. I read through the notes that he had added about me. 'Trustworthy?' 'Manipulative' 'I may be going crazy but I'm falling for him'. After I read that I chuck the journal to the floor, the book skipping along the hardwood of Dipper's old room. I put my head in my hands, trying not to make a scene. But that hasn't worked for a while now, has it?

Time skip

I'm walking through the forest, the forest Dipper and I would always walk around in.

Thinking about what I've done. I walk a little more, not worried about anyone seeing me anymore. Then I walk to OUR place. The spot that Dipper and I always ended up together in, and the place that I did what I most regret doing. I start to walk on the cement blocks that we'd sit on. I sit down and start to put my hand on the cold cement. I shivered by my thoughts of what I did here, I know it had to be because of my thoughts because it's about 70 Degrees. As much as I don't want to, I start to cry. I remember all of our memories together.

That one time we were at the river, just watching the water flow. I don't really know what triggered me to become mad but all I know is that I got pretty mad at him. I was yelling at him, I was pushing him. Maybe I got mad because he was always on that dang journal. That's probably why, though I regret being mad at him for something that small. Then I start to think more. This was normal. At some point, when we ever hung out, one of us would get mad over something. But we would always turn back to each other after every single fight. And I really wish he never did, or else he'd still be ok now. The I start to remember more and more. Then I remember back to only yesterday, the last time I saw and will ever see Dipper again. He sneaked off without me, and I got really mad at me. Then he started yelling at me that he wasn't a baby, but only if he knew that I was just worried about him, he doesn't know what's all out there and I did! But while I was trying to explain that he wouldn't listen and would just keep yelling at me. Yelling and Yelling and Yelling. I got sick of it and wanted him to shut up. But because I was mad I did it violently and grasped my hands around his neck. I could hear that he was having a hard time breathing and he was clawing at my hand and wrists but I for some reason DIDN'T STOP. I even think that it was making me enjoy it more. That was, until he stopped. Stopped breathing, stopped trying, stopped moving at all. Then I snapped out of whatever trance I was in. I fell down with Dipper coming down with me. I saw that he was... dead. I yelled at him to wake up and cried and yelled/cried at him some more but even I should know that that doesn't work. But I wish it did. I laid his head on my lap and placed his hat back on his head. What did I do I asked myself over and over and over again. I killed Dipper. I killed the only person that truly understood me. I killed the only person that loved me... and the only person that I've ever loved. Do you get how hard it is to tell your brain to stop loving someone when your heart still loves them? Well, I do and it's the hardest thing that I've ever experienced. Wait, that's wrong. That's the second hardest thing. The first... Trying to stay alive and live with myself for what I have done. For there really is nothing left for me to live for anymore. I killed the only reason I stayed alive. I guess that was a way I had never let anyone get too close to me, it always ends badly. You broke my heart, Dipper Pines, but even after death, I still love you with all the pieces. I guess that's the pain of this youth and this death.