back to your love; van mccann

this don't feel the same

chapter 4

charlotte

as van cups my cheeks, i'm immediately overwhelmed by the intensity of the kiss. it takes me a minute, but once the elevator doors open to our floor, i'm jolted out of whatever this is and pull back. we're both breathing heavily and i glance at him before pushing by and walking out of the elevator to our apartment.

"charlotte, what are you doing?" i hear van call after me, waiting for me to get the door open with my keys after pulling them out of my pocket.

"van, i-i... this doesn't feel right anymore.. you have to go and i need to get some stuff together. please, just go." i say, looking at him as he follows me into our apartment.

"what doesn't feel right?! come on, love. please stop freaking out." van says calmly but agitated, slamming the front door shut.

"us! i just need some time away from you and this tour will do that! please just listen to me." i plead, exasperated as i grab another bag and start putting some stuff i need in it.

"at least just tell me where you're going. baby, please.

"i'm staying at nina's, alright?! now please go." i say, kind of irritated as i give him a look.

it's quiet for a minute before i hear him walk over and pull me into a hug, kissing me on the top of my head before walking out of our room and leaving the flat all together. it takes a second but before i know it, i sink to the ground, leaning my back against the bed as i begin to let the tears out.

-

van

once i get out of the building, i make my way to the car, ignoring everyone's stares as i sit down and buckle up.

"well let's get this show on the road lads, shouldn't we?" larry breaks the silence, laughing awkwardly as he pats me on the shoulder before starting the car and heading off to the airport.

-

eight long hours later, we finally make it to our hotel in the first city on our tour in the states, which happens to be in new york. it's a pretty decent hotel and i end up rooming with bondy. it's about 1 in the morning when i finally get in my bed, stretching out as i light up a fag.

"want one?" i ask bondy as he sits down at the end of his bed, seeming really intent with something on his phone.

even after i ask, he doesn't even look up. i sigh as i grab my lighter, throwing it at him to get his attention, causing him to jump.

"what the fuck, man?!" he looks back at me, obviously annoyed.

"i asked if you wanted a fag, man?!" i mock him, causing him to roll his eyes and throw his phone behind him on his bed.

"sure, why not." he shrugs taking one from my hand and grabbing my lighter from the floor so he can light his.

"so, what happened between you and charlotte before we left?" bondy asks after blowing smoke out once he takes a drag.

"she needed to get her stuff so i decided to come up with her. one thing led to another and next thing i knew we were making out in the lift. after that we argued and i left." i sigh, staring up at the ceiling as i take another drag.

"she didn't mention why she's acting all weird, did she?" he says, acting a little weird and not looking me straight in the eye.

"no... just said she needed space." i say, giving him a weird look before shrugging my shoulders and putting my cigarette out. "night." i sigh, rolling over and pulling the covers over me.

-

as we hit the last note in tyrants, i take off my guitar before larry has a chance to take it from me, throwing it down on the stage before walking off. it makes a loud crash and everyone stares at me as i accept a towel, wiping off my sweat and heading straight for the "dressing rooms" they give us. i slam the door shut and immediately walk over to the drinks, pouring myself one and then throw myself on the couch, taking a deep breath.

"van, what the hell?!" bob comes bursting through the door a minute later, along with benji.

"dude, that show was fucking amazing! bob, shut up." benji exclaims, playfully hitting bob and grabbing himself a drink as well.

"you're gonna have to buy another guitar. you left your others at home so we're gonna have to take a trip to the music store." bob sighs, taking a sit on one of the other couches across the room.

"oh shove it up your ass bob, the fans went fucking crazy because mccann over here decided to have a tantrum on stage." benji jokes, and i laugh, causing bob to roll his eyes.

right as i do this, my eyes land on bondy's phone sitting on the table next to me, lit up with a phone call from someone. as i lean closer because i'm curious, i catch sight of charlotte's name on the screen.

"what the fuck?!" i raise my voice, and look up to see bondy frozen in place as he stares at me with his eyes wide.