Thousandth Sun

Chapter One: --Them

In between moments she would stare at blank walls and her mind would escape for just a slight moment. The chaos within the four walls called her home would silence for just a second, and she would be able to find a small gist of peace. She is a creature still being created in a world of concrete societal values, Mohini.

Many do not know that, Mohini holds a life quite the contrary to a typical brown/desi household. She's number three out of four children and also known as the ditzy, sweet, yet wise one. A few would call her a living oxymoron-- meticulous yet oblivious; caring yet cold; wise yet ignorant. Mohini is a girl still being molded in a world with cookie cutter roles.

"Mohini! Did you make rice? Your dad will be coming soon. Make sure it's made before he comes," states her mom.

"Yeah, I'll make it Aamu," replies Mohini.

Mohini proceeds to make rice as Aamu goes back to bed.
As she washes the rice, Mohini stares out the window and absorbs her usual mundane routine. She's a housewife in the body of a teenager but more than that she's a child being filial to a mother who is ill.

Aamu is Mohini's mom who suffers from a mental illness called schizophrenia. Majority of Mohini's life was kidnapped by her mom's illness because her father had to take the role of two parents. The illness made many of her mother's dreams seem like it was reality. Sometimes Aamu didn't think Mohini was her own or even more tragically, Mohini wouldn't be able to taste the sunlight simply because Aamu wanted to protect her from people who she could never name.

Regardless, Aamu was Aamu, and Mohini would always listen, all in hope that tomorrow would be better. She would believe that complying to Aamu's odd requests instead of rebelling would rehabilitate her.

Mohini was a sweet child to a loving mother whose care was simply misunderstood to the rest of the world.

At the end of the day, Aamu is Aamu, right?

She puts the rice into the cooker and sets off to playing her usual indulgences-- video games.
Keys rattle in the doorknob and in comes Mohini's best friend/superhero, her father.

"Aabu! Dad! You're back," yells Mohini as she runs to him with a hug.

"Yes I'm back baba! Did you eat? Did your mom eat medicine?" responds dad.

For a moment Mohini pauses guiltily and says, "I didn't eat yet but no mom didn't eat her medicine."

"Well why not?" Dad asks.

"Mom was still asleep when it was time to eat it, and you said not to wake her if she is in slumber, sorry," Mohini says.

"Oh that's okay. Your mom needs sleep more than anything. When she doesn't sleep you know how she gets. Let's eat!" Told dad.

Mohini really did know how Aamu became if she didn't sleep much. The house would be filled with cursing, yelling and tears, not just from Aamu but from everyone. That was what Mohini hated the most, the fighting. When Mohini was young she and her little sister Ehmani would have to witness it all, causing them both to grow up a little too quick.

Mohini is now 16 and her sister 15.

Arguments in the house were so normal that they'd sit on the couch blocking it out subconsciously and continue to watch their t.v. shows. After a fight would happen, the family would go back to normal like nothing ever happened. A truly dysfunctional family.

"What's there to eat, Mohini?" Asks Dad.
"Well there's chicken with potato and some lentils," responds Mohini.

"Where's Ehmani, Nitu, and Asha?" Asks dad sadly.
"Everyone is in their room, dad, and they ate," says Mohini.

"Daddy!" Came running Ehmani with a kiss for father.

"So sweet Ehmani. Haha!" Smiles dad.

For a moment there Mohini felt warmth in her heart but also pity towards her father. She didn't have a true relationship with him because of what happened through out their life. It wasn't his fault or anyone's actually however Mohini knows the sacrifices her father had made.

When Ehmani was born, Aamu had started having such odd behavior her dad once told. She'd sit by the doorknob hitting it with a spoon and tell my dad that she's playing it for them. Randomly, she'd accuse him of infidelity or curse her closest people. Mohini's mom was an active woman who was once remembered as a beautiful butterfly but now extended "family" remember her as misfortune. They give their pity and only hold onto their family because of formalities.

Mohini knew deep down that no one actually cared and that it was all for show. They were people who had reputations just like us. We were no different from them either however Mohini would always remind herself of her values, like religion.

Religion had played a key role in keeping Mohini sane. She was raised a Muslim but didn't truly believe till she learned that her mother was not normal nor was her life.

Heaven lies beneath the feet of the mother.

Mother is respected three times more than the father.

The best way to Jannat [heaven] is through your parents.

Those were the three key points of her religion that reminded her stay grounded, and to never over step her boundaries however, though Mohini had a schizophrenic mother, her biggest heart break was her oldest sister Asha. She was the product of being raised by Aamu.

Asha verbally abused Mohini, Ehmani, and Nitu always and sometimes even Aamu. But it was not always her fault. Sometimes life plays games and you don't get to choose which role you play. Asha was slender, a characteristic that Aamu didn't enjoy. Asha was also a girl who had to work hard for Aamu's attention as Aamu favored Nitu most, their brother.

In Aamu's mind, being chubby, and light skinned was revered. It was a sign of status and being higher up, another attribute to her illness. The concept is engraved in society as well however in Aamu's mind it was almost law. Nitu, however was the only son but was dark skinned something Aamu would deny existed. Nitu would always be loved the most though he didn't take care of Aamu like her daughters did but he was also a victim of such tendencies.

In traditional Bengali households, or Desi one's in general, the son was always the gold mine and daughters were just stones, easily tossed.
Asha, had went through constant mental torment as a young girl and would take the role of head of the household, something Aamu was supposed to be.
Asha would clean, and maintain family relations starting when she was about ten. Unfortunately, the verbal abuse passed onto Ehmani and Mohini. They had double the mental strain but for some reason, they were much wiser.

Ehmani and Mohini were two children that Aamu and Aabu received as blessings. They never cried in front of them for things, they always listened and they always understood a little too early.

They were unfortunate souls born into the wrong time. They had always felt they were a bit too wise for their age, and should be more child like but oddly enough they could never pretend to be one. Life was rough from after Ehmani was born.

It was not Ehmani's fault, nor was it anyone's. The dysfunctional tendencies in their life was just a test from Almighty Allah.

And like they were always told,

"Allah tests those that Allah loves so say Alhumdulilah [thank God] for the good and bad in life."