A Lost Story

I am who I am

I am who I am
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
I stared at the ceiling of the hospital room. It was plain...just like me now. I used to be happy, caring, full of life, and now, I just lay here day after day. I began to remember how I ended up here. It was only a few months ago. I was staring at myself in my mirror, noticing that I had lost a lot of weight. "Emily! You look so emaciated!" My mother cried as I walked into the kitchen. "You were slowly losing a few pounds,but now-well, I mean, look at you." My clothes barely fitted me now. My shorts hung loosely around my bony waist, my T-shirt sliding off my shoulders, and my socks no longer around my ankles. Mom made stacks of pancakes with just as much crispy bacon to make me look fuller. "Mom, I'm fine." I was in my bedroom searching 'sudden weight loss' on my laptop when I heard my mom talking on the phone about me. I was wary as I snuck down the hall and listened to her conversation. "I don't think you understand, Dr. Mikael. Emily has lost a lot of weight...and I'm just...worried about her. I honestly believe that she hasn't been eating." On the other end of the line I heard Dr. Mikael say, "I know of a hospital for teenagers with eating disorders." I watched as my mother quickly hung up the phone and began crying. I didn't comfort her, I just watched as she repeatedly shook her head while she sobbed. A few days went by and I started to feel very languid. Mom wouldn't let me go to school or anywhere else for that matter. I just stayed in my bedroom feeling sorry for myself. My little sister constantly came in asking why I couldn't go to the mall with her and my older brother came in repeatedly trying to needle me into losing my mind. My mom never told anyone else that she thought I had an eating disorder, not even my dad. I remember my sister running into the room crying one day. She had told me that mom told her everything. "You were my illustrious big sister. I had so much rapport for you! And now I have to find out from Mom that you are anorexic because you think you are gargantuan!" I have made a fiasco out of all of this by just sitting in bed doing nothing. "It isn't like that," I reasoned. "Mom doesn't know what she is talking about." Anna's eyes watered,"Then tell me, Emily! Why are you so skinny now? Mom told me that she thinks you haven't been eating and that you aren't happy with your body or something!" She screamed. I wanted to point out that she said 'thinks', but I kept my mouth shut and cried with her. Anna brought her face close to mine,"You used to be my everything." She ran out of the room making sure to slam the door so I knew exactly how mad she was, based on that slam, Anna seems really upset. She doesn't even care how I feel right now. I wiped the tears from my eyes and got up to go follow her, but two men burst through my bedroom door and grabbed me. They carried me down the hall and I saw my whole family gathered together. "Mom?" I called. She looked at me then turned away and cried on my father. "Mom! There isn't anything wrong with me, please don't do this to me!" I pulled away from the men and ran towards my family, but I was hampered by the small one while the big grabbed me. I struggled in his arms, but he held on tight. The other man stuck a needle in my arm and then I woke up here. You would have thought they were taking me to a psychiatric ward. I haven't seen my family since that dreadful period of my life, but I know they will come through the door at any moment. There was a knock at the door and a nurse came in saying, "Time to eat, Emily." I rolled out of bed and ate the food just as I have done since I first arrived because I knew there was no more use in trying to explain that I wasn't starving myself. I would not stay locked in this hospital to wallow around in my tears. I would accept that I am in this hospital until my family comes and checks me out of here. I know one day they will find my laptop sitting on my desk and see that I have cachexia. I held onto that hope because if I didn't, I would have no way to survive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not good at writing, so don't hate!!
Thank you :)