Tears streaming down my face, I wiggle out of Andy's grip and run to my room. "Paige! " I ignore his call and lock my bedroom door, which I know won't hold him back for long if he's not done with me. I run to my corner and hold on to my knees and rock back and forth trying to calm myself down. I start to hear banging, it's coming from my white door.
Andy starts yelling, "Paige! You better open this door right fucking now before I beat your ass." I don't even dare go close to that door, he'll have to get it open himself.
He busts open the door and walks towards me, he gets close to my face and I can smell the stench of cigarettes on him and he whispers to me, "You are worthless, it's all your fault our parents died, I hope you die, bitch." He starts to walk away but turns around and slaps me across my face. He starts to walk away slowly, then grabs a bottle of vodka and throws it at me and I duck. He storms out of my room and slams the door behind him.
I cant hold the tears back anymore, the pain is too much, and I'm surrounded by shards of glass. I cant help but start to cry, I feel the tears slowly roll down my face and drip down to the floor.
After five minutes, I get up and carefully walk through the glass to my bathroom. I close the door and lock it. I open my cabinet and grab my blade from the top shelf.
I pull down my sleeves and look at the blade. It's a little rusty in some spots, and has some dark red blood dried up.
I take the blade and slide it across my wrist, once, twice, three times, four times, until the sink is covered with my blood. I grab a red blood stained towel and hold it to my wrist, and wrap my wrist up, I turn on the water in the sink to clean the blood. I then walk over to the toilet, and bend down. I stick three fingers down my throat and keep it there threw the gagging until I puke.
I flush and spray perfume to get rid of the smell and rinse my mouth with water to get rid of the taste, even though I know its bad to rinse right after purging, but my sister cant know. The feeling still hasn't fully gone away, and I can still feel it in the back of my throat and deep back in my nose. The feeling after puking makes me cringe but that doesn't stop me from puking. I open the drawer on my bathroom sink and pull out some mint gum and pop it in my mouth. I unwrap my wrist and pull down my sleeve, hoping the small amount of blood coming out doesnt seep through my blue jacket, no one knows I self harm and I'd like to keep it that way.
I walk out of my bathroom and walk to my bed, I sit down and grab my phone from my desk and text my sister. I text her, "When are you coming home? Andy hit me again... I really need you..." I set my phone back down and walk to the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror for awhile, at first looking at the red hand print on my face, then at my stomach. God I'm so fucking fat. I start pinching at the fat on my stomach, then my colar bones, then my arms, then thighs, then face. I stand there and critisize every inch of my body, to this, to that. Too much fat on my body, not pretty enough, waste of space, worthless, hopeless, freak, I just want to die.
My phone goes off and i run into my roon to check it, by now I've stopped crying but I'm still in imense pain. I look at the lock screen hoping it's a text from my sister, but it's not, it's a text from my best friend, Maddy. I really envy her, she's gorgeous and has beautiful straight dirty blond hair and these beautiful green eyes. I mean, I' not saying i hate my eyes, they're allright I guess, I mean they're just awkward, they're grayish blue. And my hair is nothing special, it's long and dark brown and can be wavy or curly. It;s confusing to be honest.
I open the text message and she said, "Hey! Can you come over? Please!!" I honestly don't feel like going to a friend's house at the moment, but I'll do anything to get away from my stupid brother. I text back, "Yeah, come pick me up? Just give me five minutes to do makeup." She texts back really fast and says "Okay! I don't think you need makeup but whatever." I'd honestly just walk over but she just got her driver's lisence and she's been dying to use it.
