Diary Of A Zodiac Cancer

Jan. 14, 2017

Hello! I've been feeling kinda insecure. Like, I don't know how to express it. There's many things I want to tell my friends. Oh so much. Like about how much they hurt me, how I try to help them, how I try to keep them alive. 2 of them are suicidal. I try so hard to help them. They never listen. I try to tell people my thought, but they only look at me. Is my voice not strong enough? Why do I keep up with this ? My once positive attitude is falling apart. My patience is cutting shot by every day passing. Can y'all please listen to me ? I want to help, but y'all refuse. I try to share my ideas, but y'all pass through it. I miss my old friend. She always listed to me. We hung out every weekend. She made me feel complete, alive, loved. But right now, she talks to me like we just met. I feel useless most of the time. I'm too easy going, forgiving, and lean-y. They use me every they. Why can't I refuse? Am I saying this for a cry of help ? Attention?  I don't even know anymore. My smiles are fake half of the time. I don't even feel real anymore. I want to run away. Away from reality. Life. Just another world. Fantasy is all I've got. I feel like I'm fighting a battle. But all I do is feel. Feel, feel, feel, feel... until I fall. I don't want to feel. I don't want to love... In short of all of this, I just want to be loved but I'm just betrayed in the end. It happened to me alot. I love too much and people take advantage. Is it because I was born at this day? Month? Year? Was I born in the wrong universe ? Or is it because I hang around negative people... I always said to my self ' People like this can't influence me. I'm the one who's going to influence them to do good'... but I can feel that pledge crumbling at my feet. I.. I just know what to do anymore. I can't run away. I feel like I'm stuck in there grasp...

I don't even know what to do...