Why?

Jealousy

Why? Why do things have to be so complicated? Things as simple as walking down the street and seeing someone you don't know. Or things like relationships. Things cause problems, and problems cause challenges. Challenges that could be big or small. Everyone has them, yet others can overcome some more easily than others. But there's one thing that sets us all apart. One thing that makes us different... and it's that we all have those problems that lurk over our shoulder, waiting for the right moment to strike. For me, it's jealousy. I hate the feeling of it moving through out your body, attacking whatever it can. It has ways of showing it's true potential. Hate, fear, love, violence, quietness. The list goes on and on. But it doesn't have to show just emotionally. I have learned that when I'm jealous my left eye twitches. My girlfriend pointed it out to me the first time. I can't stop it. It starts without my realization. It only grows from that point. So my mind gets used to it, and doesn't tell me. It's terrible. But where does it start? Where did this disgusting feeling come from? Isn't it just chemicals being released in your brain? Then why does it hurt? I really wish I new the answers to these questions. Because I have so many. So many unanswered questions. Like, why is it that when you fall for one, they fall for another? This has been on my mind for a while. And I can't figure it out. I just can't. The one that I love kissed another. That's what drove me to create this shit show of writing. But it hurt. She was being very honest one night, and she told me so to. She had been telling everyone that she loved them, and I knew that she was just being the affectionate person that she is. But why does she have to say it to so many besides me? And to make matters worse (much worse) she went up to the one I had been jealous of, and kissed him. Granted it was on the cheek, but it was hard to not do something. To just sit there and watch as your true love falls for someone else. Do you know what it's like? It kills you. From the inside out. So what do I do? Sit there? Scream? Call her out? But no... I didn't want to be rude. I was to scared at that moment to do anything. So I sat there. Until I couldn't breath. Until the weight of the room was too much to handle. I left. I left the room, and played it off as me getting a drink of water. She followed me immediately, and knew something was going through my mind. She asked what was wrong, and I replied nothing. Nothing! I was too confused about what had just gone down that I couldn't even talk to her. I don't want to lose her. I never want to let go. And maybe that makes my clingy, but I can't help it. I can't help being the way that I am. I hate it. I'm jealous no matter what happens. I could get a million kisses, but that one kiss that goes to someone else. It's the death of me. It eats away at your heart until there is nothing there except pure jealousy. But the fact that she was being honest, and she kissed him. The person that she is inside wants to kiss another man. That's just great. I don't have enough love apparently. I can't satisfy her enough. To the point that she has to kiss him...

The worst part of the whole thing... is that she doesn't remember it.