I so only wish to be accepted
I try so hard to be a good daughter
Even though I know I am not the daughter my mother wanted
I wanted to tell her I am her son
But I cannot trust anyone enough to not judge me harshly
I know that the dysphoria could kill me
But I can do nothing about it
They keep telling me its a phase
Though I know its not
No one believes me so I hide myself away again
Everytime the teacher calls on me
"Shyanah" I die a little on the inside
But maybe I should "get over it"
Like everyone thinks is so easy
I'm a galaxy of personality and love
Kindness is something I've never had to work on
Cause I'm just to natural at it
I may be easily angered
But I bite my tongue
They yell at me "Shyanah snap out of it"
I continue to bite my tongue
No longer feeling as loved as I could
Attention whore, Trash, Faker, Lier
Insults and aggressions spat at me
This is not a choice
I never wanted you to spit this at me
I wanted to be me
You may think I am wrong
But you do not know me
You only know the assumptions made by those you follow
Learn to lead
Coming out is harder than you all think
So stop shouting at me that I have it easy
So please just stop these things you think nothing of
I wish to be who I am inside
But that's harder to do than anyone thinks
I do my best but that won't change how I'm viewed
So stop apologizing for not knowing
Just call me what I ask
My teacher calls me my preferred name
She tells me I'm a good guy
I cried for hours
But what really got me was the first time she called me her boyfriend
She didn't understand why I got emotional
She rubbed my back and told me
"Everything's gonna be ok" as if she knew
I don't wanna hear those words anymore
Please stop telling me these things
Cause no one knows I'm not gonna be bullied, shot, or any of these terrible things
Cause I identify as a male instead of that perfect girl
The one my mom wanted
Instead I'll cry myself to sleep every night
