Outlet

30/11/16 - 08:35pm

Before you read this entry watch the video above and then come back.

I have lost count as to how many times I have watched Selena Gomez's AMA's acceptance speech, it doesn't matter as to whether you are a fan of hers or not it is undeniable that she knows what she is talking about. She has the experience, she is absolutely right.

The first time I watched it I was moved to tears and I would be lying if I said that I hadn't cried watching it several other times after also. So as I sit here drinking my coffee and tapping away on the keyboard of my laptop I wonder what I would have said if I were in her position? What would you have said in your speech?

Selena has always been a role model to me more so now than ever, she is living proof that you can go on and live a healthy and happy life whilst managing your mental health at the same time. She makes me wonder if I could be as strong and courageous as she is someday? If I could ever return and say to my friends that I had made it? Admit outright that I was broken (still am) but yet managed to get through, that I don't need that same validation from society to deem me an acceptable human being both on the outside and the in.

It makes me wonder what I would say if I had to go up to that podium and accept such an amazing award, as I asked before what would you say? I guess I could have a go at writing it, I have a good idea as to what I'd say. In fact I guess it is something that I would say to someone who was going through a similar tough time as me, more like some sort of empowering motivating talk or something down the lines of that. So here goes nothing:

Defiance is key, if you want to get somewhere you have to be defiant. I'm not talking about doing something illegal or totally being reckless by exposing your body, what I mean is that you have to prove people wrong and defy your own mind.

If you want something badly, desperately you have to fight for it like your life depends on it. We all have different goals in life, right now mine is to get back to how I was before. Before I entered this state of brokenness. Before I became reckless with my own health and lost sight of what I was actually doing by damaging my body. I kept myself together long enough so that I didn't let anybody else down that needed me, but it turns out that as Selena says I let myself down. I compromised my own health to the point where I could have done some pretty serious damage, and for a while my body didn't function normally. Close to hospital admittance.

It is okay to be broken, but as Selena says yet again just because you are broken doesn't mean that you have to stay it. But if you want to recover you have to seriously want it, you have to be able to say to yourself 'enough is enough! Enough of the crying and being stuck you can do this!'

You have to defy yourself, once you have let yourself feel it and the tears have all started to dry up it is then the time that you pick yourself up from the floor and you either help yourself or you go and get the help that you need to help you recover.

You have to be defiant, you have to scream at yourself that you can do it even though that voice in your head tells you that you can't. It doesn't matter because if you really want to get back to how you were before you have to have an argument with yourself and make sure that YOU win it. You have to stand up and defy those who have told you that you can't do something because you can.

For just that moment don't listen to your head, listen to your heart. The voice that comes from your heart is the true reflection of what you want, if it tells you to fight then that is what you have to do.

You have to fight until you're exhausted, until you've given absolutely everything you've got. Because at the end of the day no one can make the difference other than you, if you really want it you have to go for it.

No one else matters in this other than you, it's all about you. This is your mind and your wellbeing, you have to have that little bit of hope in yourself. That things will get better and that you are capable, because you really are.

Reach out and get the help that you need, it is not a sign of weakness to ask for support. It shows shear strength and determination to be able to stand up and ask for something that you need, that you deserve.

So if you're struggling just know that you are worth it, you do not have to stay broken. You deserve happiness and your wellbeing does matter, you are not alone. You never will be and never have been, talking is crucial.

This may have been a load of nonsense and might not make sense, but to me it does. I hope that somewhere this will help someone and that they will have the courage to get the help that they need.

Because just remember 'if you are broken you do not have to stay broken.'

Selena didn't, she is a fine example of what we can become if we fight ourselves until we come out victorious. Our minds are powerful and sometimes they use that to their own advantage making us think things that we aren't, but if we harness their power we can do great things.

Be defiant and practise self care, you deserve it.