Her

I think about her 24/7. She's Always on my mind like a bug niggling away at my mind, burrowing Into my inner most darkest secrets, nothing is safe from her. She's the light at the end of my tunnel, my angel from heaven. She's been there for me when I needed her most.
Then I said things, did things. Things that were wrong and it broke her heart. The depression started and the self harm started. It bled and bled until I nearly passed out not knowing the complications. It lasted for months on end, crying myself to sleep every night knowing the next day was pure hell. Then she left. Everyday became worse. She was my only friend who made me laugh, held my hand made me cry with happiness. And she was gone. Where to I don't know. Hopefully not far, because deep down I still love her and care for her and always will do. I collected the blades like they were my best freinds.
But one night I did it deep, it wouldn't stop and the pain was like fire in my veins. I could see spots flashing about my vision started to go blurry. Just before I passed out, I swear somewhere in my mind, she said " I love you, always and forever".

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

I woke to the sound of my breathing. In through my nose and out through my mouth. My vision was cleared up and I looked around. White walls with pictures of flowers on it. I looked to my right and saw a stand with a bag with some kind of clear solution in it. I looked to my left and to my surprise was a window over looking a park with a lake. And I stared at it for what must've been hours before the opened. I turned my head around slowly. A tall lanky man walked into the room with a nurse next to him. I strained to listen to what they were saying. "If you need anything, just call us back in". The man nodded and the nurse left closing the door behind her. The man said nothing and just stared. Putting me on edge. It must've 10 minutes before he said something. "Why" he asked.
"Why what" I replied.
"Why did you cut yourself like that". Then I realised that the man was some sort of a doctor.
"You know why" I said stubbornly.
"Because she left you" he said softly.
Tears slowly started to form at the edge of my eyed.
"Yes" I said as the tears rolled down my face.
"Why did she leave you?" he asked.
The question hit me hard. Still a sore spot for me. Now wanting to drag this on I simply said;
"I broke her heart"
"You broke her heart" the doctor repeated, "mentally or physically"
"Mentally" I replied.
I then decided to explain further.
"She was everything to me. She was there when I needed her, took car for me when I was ill , gave me everything. And I threw it in her face. I didn't care what would happen, I was selfish and never took to heart what she said"
The doctor then said;
"Do you blame yourself for her leaving you"
"Yes" I replied.
"So why didn't you care" he asked. The question stumped me. My mind was blank.
"Were you jealous, or was it out of pure hatred for her".
"No, I never hated her" I said on the brink if crying.
"So, was she reason what you self harmed" he asked sternly.
I replied;"yes"
I couldn't stop them, the tears came forward like a wave. I could see her in my mind. Walking through the poppy fields in mid summer turning the poppy's ugly by her beauty. They were bowing down to her like some kind of God. Yes that's it, she was my god, my lover, my everything. The tears kept coming foward like a battering ram.

3 hours later,

I woke to the blinding greet of the light. A fresh wave of tears rushed foward. The all too familiar feeling of loneliness and darkness hit me like bull. Engulfing and drowning me of my every thought and every feeling. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Like a constant buzzing in your ear. I loved her yes, missed her yes wanted her back yes. It was too much for me. I couldn't take the pain any more.
Every time I thought of her it just brought me more pain. Yes I still loved her and yes I wanted her back more than ever, but I knew that she never comeback. Then a worse thought hit me. What if she's got a new person in her life. The dread filled me. I couldn't stop